My Dark Passenger
by Malevolent Mind
Summary: What would have happened if Harry had witnessed his mother's death at four year's old instead as an infant? It would have resulted in Harry coping with the murder of his mother on a much deeper darker level. It includes a believable Dark Harry, Horcruxes, Events of The first Order of the Phoenix, Slash, Torture, and Murder. A very dark story... Inspired by the TV show: Dexter
1. Chapter 1

**My Dark Passenger**

Summary: What would have happened if Harry had witnessed his mother's death at four year's old instead as an infant? It would have resulted in Harry coping with the murder of his mother on a much deeper darker level. It includes a believable dark Harry, events of the 1st generation of the Order of the Phoenix, slash, torture, and murder. This story was inspired by the TV show: Dexter.

_Warning: Murder, torture, blood, gore, minor child abuse, and intense violence. Mentions of slash starting in Harry's fourth year of Hogwarts. (Around chapter 30)_

_**1988 (8 years old)  
**_

Harry sat outside enjoying the mild morning sun. It was late spring and his mother's garden was full of blossoming flowers. His eyes followed the form of a black beetle scurrying around the ground towards an earthworm that had surfaced from the moist soil. Harry watched with deep interest as the morning sun was reflected by it's chitin shell, causing it to glisten like a precious gemstone. As he stared down at it, all he could think about was reaching out to grab the small creature, tightening his fist around it as it squirmed against the pressure, and then crushing it...

The sun began to fade behind the clouds as the word "monster" echoed through his head.

_Is that what he was? A monster..._ His dark passenger certainly liked to tell him so.

Oh yes... his dark passenger loved to tell him that he was special and different but somehow these comments only made him feel ashamed and weak. It would murmur sweet nothings softly in his head and it would always choose to whisper its praise in the moments he lost his self-control. Always right as a surge of overwhelming need to destroy something consumed his mind, body and soul...

Gardening had always helped with his darker urges to destroy. He loved the adrenaline rush he got as he stabbed forcefully at the ground as he dug out holes for the new seedlings and ripping out the intruding weeds helped calm his mind. He felt in control. Not only did the gardening keep his mind busy but the physical labor exhausted his rage. His vision blurred as he sat deep in thought wondering what sound the beetle would make if he squeezed it between his fingers. He shook his head to clear his mind as he pushed his glasses in place. He tried to concentrate on the garden, but today it wasn't enough. He hesitantly reached out and grabbed the beetle between his fingertips. The black beetle wiggled around trying to escape.

Harry let out a soft sigh of relief as he let himself go to the darkness and push down against the shiny outer shell. He found himself unwillingly smiling at the sound of it crunching under the weight of his strength. Immediately his need to destroy lessened and his dark passenger hummed softly until it faded into the background of his mind. Harry sat still in the following moments frowning as he looked down at the dead beetle in his palm. Guilt filled his mind as he quickly dropped it onto the garden floor. He looked away from its motionless body and hugged his front.

_It's just a Potion's ingredient. _

Harry thought as he tried to convince himself that he had done nothing wrong.

* * *

_If only life and death was that simple..._

* * *

Chapter One: _**1984**_

* * *

Peter Pettigrew had always known how to pick out the strongest person in the room, thanks to the unintentional lessons his mother had taught him. His pathetic mother had fallen for the lies of every handsome man that walked her way. This unfortunately included his father who had abandoned his mother before she had given birth to him. Peter had learned from her mistakes. He had watched his mother attempt to gain their family's honor over and over only to sink deeper into shame. The problem was that she was too weak-minded to see the world how it was.

_Only the strongest survive._ Peter thought as he sorted through the papers on his desk.

His mother had always attached herself to the most desperate man she could find. He grew up being surrounded by his mother's feeble attempts at courtship and he despised it. Long before he began to attend Hogwarts he vowed to never allow himself to be attached to lesser men. He stared at a picture on his desk of his friends. Even in his first hours at Hogwarts he had immediately been drawn to James and Sirius. They had walked into Hogwarts, shoulders squared and with smirks full of confidence.

_I wish I had that kind of strength and cleverness._ Peter sighed. He had accepted a long time ago where his place in society was.

Peter had known from the start, that he would win his place beside them. It had taken time, groveling, worshiping, and unquestioning loyalty. . At his entire time in Hogwarts, they never once disappointed him. He was a knight beside lords and he had been happy. Even when his new found protectors befriended the werewolf, they had found a way to keep the werewolf's strength in check with minimal risk to the group. He had also gained a powerful ability, he became an Animagus. He thought about how his protectors had fearlessly ran along the forbidden forest with their werewolf friend, Lupin.

Still even in his time at Hogwarts he heard whispers of the war. Once they all had graduated Hogwarts James and Sirius went off to Auror training, and he made sure to follow. He found an employment as a clerk in a nice safe office at the Auror department. He had successfully made sure that his protection did not waver. However, his certainty faltered as the months passed. Daily he watched Auror after Auror return maimed, dead or crippled for life.

Years passed and he watched as his friends joined the Order of the Phoenix and went to fight the Dark Lord. James and Lily, Alice and Frank had all went on to become parents. Only weeks after their children were born they were put on the most wanted list of the Dark Lord.

_How can James, barely a competent Auror, even attempt to stand against a Dark Lord who was twice their age?_ Peter heard the fireplace roar as an Auror came through the floo network.

Peter stood up, his thick fingers clenching the edge of the desk so tight they began to lose color. He watched as James dragged Sirius through the fireplace, Sirius's sagging figure covered in burns.

_I'm not safe anymore… _

* * *

Lily Potter sat outside of Godric's hollow in the garden and watched Harry and his closest friend Neville zoom around the yard on their toy brooms that Harry had received on his fourth birthday. She picked up her lemonade and took a sip of the too tart beverage.

_Next time I need to add more sugar, _Lily mused.

Her eyes caught a flash of blond hair as a short woman walked towards the patio table with a refilled pitcher of iced lemonade and sat down across from her. The woman's hazel green eyes smiled warmly at her. They shared a silent moment just watching their children playing.

Lily had a hard time being comfortable sitting in silence with most of her friends, but Alice Longbottom was not like the others. They had shared so much, from their first night sleeping at Hogwarts to gushing about their first loves. This woman shared her pregnancy adventure, to the night where Dumbledore had shared the prophecy that had changed both of their lives forever. Alice was the only other person who understood the fear and the disconnection from society that the last four years had brought her.

Alice's voice broke the silence, "So, Augusta is still insisting that I get Neville tested to make sure he has magic. I don't know what her problem is!? He is only four." Alice's hands covered her round face with frustration.

Lily frowned at her friend. "You have no idea how much you make me feel better about not having a mother-in-law to deal with! Who cares if he has magic or not? For someone who supports Dumbledore so thoroughly she sure does have that blood-purity elitist attitude."

Alice nodded, "I know! It's not like Frank is any help either. He's such a momma's boy. I have always loved him for his loyalty but sometimes it's so annoying!" A sudden loud thump drew them from their venting.

Lily's eyes widened as she saw her son's feet sticking out of a wiggenbush. Neville hurried off his toy broom to try to pull Harry out. She hoped that Harry had not damaged the bark. She really needed it for her newest potion.

Lily laughed despite the situation. She remembered when Harry was younger and how much he had worried her. Over the years and after hundreds of daredevil stunts, she had learned to accept that boys would be boys, especially Potter boys.

Lily silently thanked Merlin that her second child was a girl. Rose had been such a blessing. Lily's daughter had inherited her fiery red hair, as well as her bright green eyes but all of James's personality. She wondered if James was having a hard time with their spirited child inside. After what happened to the Mckinnons, James knew she was stressed and had offered to put Rose down to sleep so Alice and she could regroup. The Mckinnons were silently creeping at the edge of her thoughts but neither Alice nor she had voiced their shared misery.

Alice observed the pained expression on her best friend's face.

"I've got this one." Alice stood up and wandered over to Neville and Harry.

Alice continued to check for serious injury. Lily watched as her son rubbed the back of his head with a sheepish grin gracing his cherubic face, clearly trying to talk his way out of a lecture on flying safety. Her heart clenched at the thought of losing him.

She had never understood what a mother's love was like until she had held Harry in her arms for the first time. She remembered how hard those first couple of months had been. After having two children she understood why sleep deprivation was used in torture. Despite the lack of sleep, the poop and pee smeared over her clothes, the endless household chores, and the lack of privacy she loved her children more deeply than she ever thought possible.

Her children's loving faces had sidetracked her from the war and had almost made her forget that her world was falling apart. Voldemort had been less active the last year. Until the previous week, they had not lost anyone in months.

_Why did it have to be Marlene?_ She thought silently. She still was having a hard time accepting that her friend was dead. The day Sirius had delivered the news she had cried the entire night. Her grief was fresh and deep and she knew it was nothing compared to the grief of Marlene's sister.

Lily was drawn from her thoughts as she heard the metal chair move across the stone in front of her. Alice look nervous.

"Man, your son is a handful. Neville has his moments but he's a bit more reserved like his Father." Lily knew Alice was trying to make her smile but the pale face staring up at her from the coffin she had seen not even a week ago would not escape her mind. She watched as Alice rubbed her hands down her legs anxiously.

"How are you handling the news?" Alice's warm eyes stared at her with concern. "You were always closer to Marlene than Frank and I was."

Lily sat and remembered the particularly hard nights that she would go out for drinks with Alice and Marlene. Marlene had always been so spunky and sure of herself. Lily knew that she would not forget the witch as long as she lived.

Lily stared out at Harry already zooming across the lawn again. She wondered if she would ever feel safe again.

"I'll get through it."

* * *

Lily had fire called Peter and had invited him to have tea one Sunday afternoon. Peter sat in their kitchen at their rustic wooden table absent-mindlessly petting the Potter family's cat. _What was the cat's name again? Oh yes, Mara… _Sirius had joked for weeks that they had betrayed him. Peter had laughed so hard when Sirius had transformed into his animagus and had chased the cat up the stairs.

It had been over a year since Sirius had come back covered in burns and yet not even a week ago Sirius was injured again! He would never forget the smell, Sirius returning from an Order mission with his intestines hanging out of his stomach. The entrails expelling curse had put him into St Mungo's Hospital. Sirius had been continually targeted during the Death Eater raids due to his title as Secret Keeper to the Potters. The memory turned his stomach and caused his palms to become clammy. Sirius was to be released soon but it did not make Peter feel any better. _They are all going to end up dead and I am going to die with them unless I can gain Voldemort's protection. _

Peter had spent the last year trying to find an artifact, a spell or any information to trade for Voldemort's protection but Dumbledore had never trusted him with any sensitive information due to his lack of occlumency skills and dueling capabilities. _I will show them all who is weak. _He thought._  
_

Lily stood across the room stirring a spoonful of honey into his tea. James sat across him at the opposite end of the table that could comfortably sit four to six people. James started, "Peter, you have been our friend for a long time and we would like to ask you a favor." Peter stopped petting Mara and looked up at James.

_What does he mean, Favor?_

James took his silence as a sign to continue, "You see I have noticed the last year, you have been different. I never would have thought you would react so bravely to Voldemort's attacks. You haven't voiced your worries about the war in months." James looked right into his eyes. Peter wondered if he suspected something.

"The Order gives me courage." He replied putting on his best Gryffindor smile.

James continued, "That's good to hear. We just think that maybe you might be a better fit to be our Secret Keeper. You really have been remarkable lately and I know Sirius is growing tired. These last four years have been rough on him. " Peter tried his hardest to look calm but a battle began to rage in his mind. He knew this was his chance. The memories of his younger years with his friends flashed across his mind before he brutally brushed them away. Peter's thoughts swirled in his head as he pet there family cat. When they finally settled, only one thought keep his mind blank. _Only the strong survive._

_Love is for fools…_

He had his gift to present to the great dark lord. He would not be broken like his pathetic mother.

* * *

Lily leaned into her comfortable reading sofa that was placed next to one of her numerous bookshelves that decorated the lower level of her home. Her eldest child Harry snuggled into her side as she read him his favorite bedtime story from _The Bard and The Beetle._

The house was uncommonly quiet. James had been called into work about possible Death Eater activity and Rose was already sleeping soundlessly in her nursery upstairs.

_I hate night shifts. It's so hard to wrangle both of them to bed by myself, _Lily thought with an exhausted sigh.

The last two weeks had been a blur. Voldemort had been unusually active since Marlene's death. The stress had been affecting her sleep and she just never had enough energy to last the whole day.

Harry fidgeted beside her.

Lily continued the story of _The Tale of the Three Brothers,_ "There were once three brothers who were traveling along a lonely, winding road at twilight. In time, the brothers reached a river, too deep to wade through, and too dangerous to swim across. However, these brothers were learned in the magical arts, and so they simply waved their wands, and made a bridge appear across the treacherous water. They were halfway across it,when they found their path blocked by a hooded figure, and it was Death. He was angry that he had been cheated out of three new victims, for travelers usually drowned in the river. But Death was cunning. He pretended to congratulate the three brothers upon their magic, and said that each had earned a prize for being clever enough to evade him."

She continued to read, her son listened to her soft voice as it carried through the dimming room. The sun was fading and the orange blaze was starting to set in the west. Lily watched her young son start to yawn. She smiled down at him and tried to soak in this memory. She would need it to fuel her in the future. Moments like this were the only reason she still stood unwavering against Voldemort.

She pulled her fingers through her son's unruly hair straightening like only a mother could do. Harry shot her a quick glare.

"Mum, please don't!" Lily rolled her eyes and smiled tenderly down at him. Harry had always been such a sweet child, energetic and a bit strong-willed but he was always so gentle. She remembered the first time Harry had held his little sister when he was only two years old. He had stared at Rose with a fearful expression. She remembered her first thought was that it had been because of his own nervousness about a new smaller child sharing his mother. She later discovered that he had been terrified he would break her. Harry had held his sister like a fragile china doll.

Lily turned another page of the collection of_ The Bard and The Beetle _stories, enjoying the cuddles with her son when she felt a static rush go down her spine signaling that the wards across her home had collapsed. Her heart began to pound. _No, there must be a mistake,_ she thought in denial.

Harry stirred beside her realizing something was not right as he watched his mother's hands begin to shake.

Lily closed the book and sat it down on a table beside the sofa.

"Mummy, why did you stop?" Harry questioned her.

She stared down at her son and saw his innocent green eyes glowing back at her. She inhaled in a deep breath. She willed her strength back into her body as she exhaled her nervousness. She could not falter. She had to act. She could not fail her children. The previous orange dimly lit dawn, had changed as the darkness set in and lights began to flash through the air outside of her home.

_I have to get Rose! _Lily immediately stood up and swooped up her son in her shaking arms.

"Mummy, what's going on?" Harry voiced his concern.

"Don't worry honey, we are just going to get your sister and go visit Sirius. It will be like a sleepover." She tried to not let the fear show in her eyes as she looked at Harry.

Lily formed her plan; _I will grab Rose, send out my __spirit guardian__ to send a message to the Order and apparate outside of the headquarters._

She started up the stairs, every creak the wood made sounded like an explosion in her attentive ears. Her world blurred as she heard the aftermath of a Bombarda spell ripping the front door of her house off its hinges_**. **_

_I just have to make it to Rose. _She desperately clung to that thought. She reached the doorknob and could hear the voices of Death Eaters entering her home. As she entered the room she quickly pulled out her wand and drew the image of her two children to the front of her mind.

"_**Expecto Patronum" **_Lily voiced. A fully-formed animal sprung from her wand, taking the shape of bright-white, translucent doe.

"Take this message to The Order headquarters. Voldemort has attacked Godric's hollow. I'm trying to apparate outside of the Order's headquarters. Please send help." The luminous doe nodded and galloped through the wall leaving a trail of silver glow.

She went to her daughters crib ready to grab her and escape when a cool breeze ran across her skin signaling that an Anti-Disapparition Jinx had been cast. Terror started to fill her as she turned to the sound of the nursery door opening.

_I have failed my children. Voldemort has found us. Oh Merlin, is Peter dead? _

Her daughter was starting to stir and her son stood by the crib staring at her with a confused expression. Her heart stopped.

_He is too young for this to be happening._ Lily suddenly felt like she was going to vomit. The door opened, the man they had been hiding from the last four years strode in.

Voldemort stood in her home with such poise, not even looking a bit frazzled.

"Stand aside woman. We both know why I'm here." Voldemort's words cut through her like ice.

"Not Harry, please no, take me, kill me instead —" Lily pleaded. _Not my Harry, oh Merlin not my child!_

"This is my last warning —" Voldemort replied with an empty voice.

"Not Harry! Please ... have mercy ... Not Harry! Please — I'll do anything..." Voldemort's eyes glowed with disgust but then a smirk formed on his thin lips.

"You know, Severus begged me to spare you. I have given you your chance. Now, I will teach our dear Severus why we do not associate with mudbloods. **Sectumsempra**", a flash of light sprung from his wand.

Lily felt a sharp intense pain cover her body. Blood spurted from her arms and chest as though she had been slashed with an invisible sword. She staggered backwards and collapsed onto the carpeted floor with a great thump, her wand falling from her limp right hand.

Her last thoughts continued in a never-ending cycle as a scream sounded unwillingly from her lips, _Not Harry! Please ... have mercy ... Not Harry! Please — I'll do anything..._

Her mind was so filled with internal and external pain that she did not even hear or see the killing curse soaring down at her.

Voldemort smiled down at her lifeless form.

* * *

Harry watched as his mother fell silent. He rushed across the floor to touch her. He stared down at his motionless mother.

_Oh, No!_ _Mummy's hurt!_ His small trembling fingers grabbed at her face. Dull green eyes looked back at him.

_Why is mummy not moving? What did that man do? _Harry felt anger start to fill his stomach like hot lava as well as a cold fear that seeped into his bones.

The child felt warm liquid start to soak through his clothes. The smell radiating in the air vaguely reminded him of the bronze coins his parents had used to buy him ice cream. He kept trying to look at his mother but his brain refused to see what was in front of him. He knew it was not good. He needed to firecall a healer like his daddy had taught him.

He felt his body start to shake and could hear his baby sister crying in the background. Rage filled his body again. He just wanted his Mum to wake up.

"Why did you hurt Mummy? Why?" Harry screamed, his voice thick with emotion. The man looked away from him and at the lights above them as the lights started to flicker.

_This man is ignoring me!_ Harry clenched his hands into fists beside his sitting form. A cold chill swept across his skin like marching ants, crawling across his skin despite the warm liquid pooling around him.

The man's red eyes stared back at him, curiosity filling them. The man turned his wand at him. Harry continued to stare furiously at him.

"Hmmm... What a waste of raw potential. _**Avada Kedavra**_**",** the man let the spell leave his mouth without a wisp of regret.

Harry watched as a flash of blinding green light and a rushing sound came towards him, as though a vast, invisible monster was soaring through the air. His skin prickled as the marching ant sensation intensified.

He felt the invisible force hit him with more might than he had ever felt in his lifetime slamming him to the floor. The feeling of marching ants started to bite and frost his skin. He tried to escape the monster's hold as it slammed him into the ground over and over.

He felt his energy; his heartbeat start to slow and then a sharp intense pain flare at his forehead as the pressure of the beast lightened up. Harry started to thrash on the ground scratching at his own face. He felt his flesh tear apart as the scar that would change his life forever cut into his sensitive skin and then screams erupted from his lips before numbness consumed him.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

** I'm requesting** **constructive criticism from follow writers and betas as well as ****encouragement. **** Also let me know who was your favorite character and I will try to write more in their POV in the future. **

**This story was inspired by the TV show: Dexter. Some famous lines have been taken from both Harry Potter and Dexter to empower the story. I'm sure the very few lines I transferred directly from the novels will be noticeable and am not trying to claim them as my own.   
**

**Thank you!**


	2. Chapter 2

**My Dark Passenger**

Summary: What would have happened if Harry had witnessed his mother's death at four year's old instead as an infant? It would have resulted in Harry coping with the murder of his mother on a much deeper darker level. It includes a believable dark Harry, events of the 1st generation of the Order of the Phoenix, slash, torture, and murder. This story was inspired by the TV show: Dexter.

_Warning: Murder, torture, blood, gore, minor child abuse, and intense violence. Mentions of slash starting in Harry's fourth year of Hogwarts. (Around chapter 30)_

AU: Elphinstone Urquart is not made up. He is actually a JK Rowling character.

* * *

Chapter Two: Published date: 7/18/14

* * *

Severus Snape was not a nice man. If you asked many people they would describe him as a hooked nose, sour, hateful, sallow skinned bat that was married to his work. He guessed this was fairly true but only he fully understood what drove his motivation. Green eyes and red hair flashes beneath his closed eyes as he pressed his back farther into the door as screams continued to echo through him.

He had accompanied his Lord to the Potter's home to make sure Voldemort kept his word and spared Lily. He knew now he had been fooling himself.

He banged his fist in denial as he heard the only woman he ever loved cry in pain only to fall silent minutes later. He stared with brooding eyes at the floor consumed in his own helplessness. The windows down the hall start to rattle and the lights started to flicker. His heart which he thought could not break any further shattered as he hear a small child's voice screaming and sobbing in pain on the other side of the door.

The screaming stopped and then the oddest thing happened. Everything went silent and his arm began to itch where his mark marred his skin. He pulled his sleeve up to watch it slowly fade. _How is this possible?_ Severus stared at this arm experiencing unfiltered shock.

New resolve filled him and he stood up and tried to force the door open, only to find it slide open easily, and his extra force and momentum carried his careening through the door, crashing to his knees in the open doorway. The smell hit him first. The coppery smell invaded his senses like a penny being burned forcibly into his mouth. He looked up to see the room covered in blood. _Oh Salazar, what has he done to my Lily...?_

He knew Lily lay in the center of the puddle yet his mind did not want to accept this. Yet his eyes could not look away. He had seen plenty of tortured bodies in his work as a spy and Death Eater; it never did get better, just easier to process. Being a Master of Potions and Occlumency, he had learned how to separate himself from the mangled corpse and prisoners that the Death Eaters brought back from their 'hunting'. He was able to look at them like a Healer would a sick or deceased patient, with distant interest. Yet seeing his best friend caused his breath to quicken and his adrenaline to pump into his veins. He could not think. He could not reason. He could only act and cross the room taking Lily in his arms.

His eyes wandered over her body and quickly saw the wound that crossed her arms and chest. His long fingers trembled lightly over the wound, understanding it for what is was_. What have I done? I was supposed to save you. I was supposed to protect you._

His heart rate slowed and blood pressure lessened as his adrenaline rush left his body, causing his figure to weaken. A scream of anguish erupted from his lips as he held Lily close. No tears rolled down his cheeks, only raw screams of pure anguish arose from his throat. His father had beaten the ability to cry from him years ago. He suddenly recalled the many times Lily had bandaged his back after one of his father's drunken thrashings. His shoulders shook with grief and his felt his mind began to numb. _This was not supposed to happen._

Severus had never wished more than at that moment that he had not succumbed to the Dark Lord's charm_. I was so foolish. Mother, now Lily… Salazar, I was just a love scorned dumb boy wanting to forget my mistakes. I will never ignore my faults again; I swear this to you Lily._ He had to leave.

Not only could he not handle holding his blood soaked best friend, he knew that the Order had to be on their way. He slightly begrudged himself for forgetting that he was not the only one in the room. Sure he had heard the dampening cries of Lily's youngest daughter as she began to give up on being comforted but he also forgotten about the boy. _Yes, the boy who was the cause all of this._

Severus's looked up to see surprisingly familiar green eyes looking back at him. He observed the child that was covered in his own mother's blood. He still could not help but feel hatred for this small child who looked so much like his childhood arch nemesis and the cause of his best friend's death.

His gaze shifted from the haunting eyes, to above the child's blood covered brows. An abnormal sickening wound was carved in the child's forehead. It was seeping thick black blood. The child's eyes were not focused and seemed to be staring out into space. _It seems I am not the only one who will keep this mutilation in their memory forever... _He heard heavy footsteps coming up the stairs and knew the apparition wards had fallen and it was his time to leave. He looked one more time at the only woman he had ever loved then apparated away.

* * *

James stood over his wife's body. She was surrounded by white lilies and laid on a black and white swirled marble table. Seeing her laying there in her golden dress robes with the sun shining through the trees at Godric's Hollow Cemetery made her almost seem like she was simply sleeping and that thought infuriated him.

Dumbledore and the Aurors that had arrived before him had discouraged him from seeing his wife's murder scene. He could have forced the issue but the look on his best friend's face as he had brought out both of his children had rooted him to the spot. Sirius had the look of pure unadulterated rage and grief. His daughter's tear stained face and his son's haunted eyes had wiped him of any bravery.

Yet, now looking down at his beautiful wife he wished he had seen what Sirius had seen, if only to make it more final. The last four days had just been a numb blur of emotions. Part of him kept expecting to see his wife walk up to him and tell him to stop frowning.

Behind his wife's soon to be grave were his children. They were in first row of gold chairs with Alice and Frank. All of their friends and family were here, all of the faces of the Order staring at him in pity. Everyone was expecting him to say a speech. Minerva, his once Hogwarts mentor had even sat down with him to help write it out. He did not want to say goodbye. He felt lost. He needed his wife. He looked out into the crowd and saw Moony staring at him with an accusing look_. I know it's my fault. I should have trusted you._ James hands tightened into fists at the thought of Peter. _Why? Why had he betrayed him?_

James cleared his voice and began to move toward the group in front of him. "I want to start off by thanking everyone for being here today. I know my wife would tell me I was being rude if I didn't. She always kept me on my toes." A few people in the crowd smiled and chuckled.

"That was my Lily, always keeping me in line with her no nonsense ways and her unconditional love. My Lily was a good hearted person who truly loved helping others. That is why she put in so many years towards research to invent new healing potions. Somehow in all that work and daily chaos she found time to be an amazing mother to our two children and the best wife I could have asked for. She was a selfless person." James choked on a sobbed as he looked at his children dressed in black dress robes in the first row. _I have no idea how to take care of my children by myself. They need their mother._

"I am a broken man, and my better half is gone, but I can see her in the faces of my children and that gives me some comfort. They were both so important to her, and her face would light up whenever she would see them. I don't know how I am going to make it without her, but I know she is up there telling me to suck it up. I am trying to honey, but it is hard without you here to keep me on track." James looked back at his wife and felt hot tears start to roll down his checks.

"I know that everyone here loved her and is going to miss her as well. I think that she is still here with all of us though. Her family, friends and children, were her life. She would do anything for her family. She bravely sacrificed her life for our children and I will never forget that." James voiced thickened with grief and a sob racked through his body. He breathed for a second to collect himself and cleared his throat before he began again.

"My Lilypad was strong until the end never losing her faith even on some of the most painful days. I have lost the mother to my children, my wife and support system, and most of all, my best friend. I'll join you one day sweetheart but until then I will take care of our children who you scarified your life for. I will always love you." Lily's favorite song started to play in the background.

James looked at Dumbledore and nodded. The old wizard raised his wand and cast the spell to lay her to rest. James watched as bright, white flames erupted next to Lily's body and the table upon which she lay: Higher and higher they rose, obscuring the body. White smoke spiraled in the air and made strange shapes: James thought, for one heart-stopping moment, that he saw a doe prance joyfully into the blue, but in a second the fire had vanished. In its place lay a marble white tomb, encasing Lily's body and the table on which she had rested.

After the ceremony he found his children standing near the tombstone with the Longbottoms. Harry stood closely to Neville holding his hand. Harry stared intensely at the tomb and then caught his gaze. His son had not said much the last four days. He looked at the red lightning bolt on his child's face. The healers had been able to heal the deep scratches that his son had self-inflicted upon his face while under Voldemort's wand but the red lightning bolt scar could not be removed. He felt Harry's small hand grab his own.

His boy looked up at him, "Dad, don't worry. I'll bring Mum back." A chill went down his spine as his wife's eyes stared back at him. He did not know what to stay so he simply said nothing.

* * *

Elphinstone Urquart had always been a determined man. When something caught his eye he could patiently work years to obtain it. It did not come to a surprise to anyone when he confessed he was a Hufflepuff in his Hogwarts years. It had taken over ten years of hard honest work to find himself in his current occupation. Elphinstone exited the access lift and walked onto level two of the Ministry of Magic, which housed the Department of Magical Law Enforcement.

Around the corner from the access lift and past a set of heavy oak doors, laid the Auror Headquarters: a large open area divided into small cubicles, one for each Auror. A second set of double doors and another passage would lead him to a dimly lit and distinctly shabby corridor that housed the Wizengamot Administration Services and lastly two broom cupboard sized rooms sat at the left and right end of the corridors, the right side had the Misuse of Muggle Artefacts Office and the left was actually a broom cupboard. He felt sorry for the poor bastards that got stuck with that department.

He walked through the heavy oak doors and into a small office past the small cubicles in the back. This was his department. The only person who was higher in this department than himself was his superior, the stiff upright Barty Crouch. The last week had been nothing but work. Their own Auror Mr. Potter's wife had defeated Voldemort and now his department had to clean up the aftermath.

He knew the Potter's better than he should. His wife Minerva worked with the underground group formed by Dumbledore called 'The Order of the Phoenix'. Honestly he did not approve of it. In his eyes it was just a bunch of Vigilantes. It took a lot of effort to look the other way but had not taken ten years to win his wife's heart only to destroy it by controlling her life. He had fallen in love with his wife for her unquestionable wit, loyalty and bravery. He could see his wife's smile as he thought of her. He still remembered the summer of 1982 when Minerva McGonagall finally had accepted his proposal during a summertime stroll around the lake on the Hogwarts grounds; he had gotten down on his knees and asked her to share her life with him. He had never been a happier man when he heard her say yes. Minnie had her loyalties and he had his but he knew they were loyal to each other and that was all that mattered. _Oh my sweet Minnie._

He knew that the next couple of months were going to be senseless. Death Eaters were panicking, fleeing and making very stupid mistakes. He reached his large office and sat down in his generously padded leather office chair. He pulled out a thick file from his desk. On the front on it Lucius Malfoy was written.

"Let the chase began." He smiled.

* * *

Peter Pettigrew was a wanted man. He sat in an abandoned warehouse in muggle London shivering from the cold winds. His once closest friends and family were now fiercely searching for him in vengeance. With all of his new allies rejecting him with disgust and distrust, he had nowhere to go. _This was not supposed to happen. I was supposed to be safe._

Peter's head snapped to attention when he heard someone kicking garbage across the floor. A familiar man was walking towards him with a walking stick with a snake head that peter knew contained a wand. A thrill of hope thrummed through his body.

Lucius had a pale, pointed face, with pale blond hair and cold grey eyes. His dress robes were impeccable even in the abandoned building that looked like it was about to collapse. "Such filth..." Lucius replied staring at his surrounding with disgust. His cold eyes focused back to him.

"You came! I did not think anyone would. I swear that I did not have anything to do with our Lord's death. I'm loyal only to him. You have to see that? I gave everything up for him." Peter hated begging but he was good at it and forced tears to come forward knowing it would empower his plead.

Lucius smiled at Peter, he thought it was supposed to be reassuring but it only reminded Peter of the cat that had once tried to devour him in his animagus form.

"I'm sure you had nothing to do with the death of our Lord but the others do not trust you." Lucius replied. Peter could see that Lucius was going to make him ask.

"What do I have to do to gain the others trust?" Peter watched as Lucius flashed his perfect white teeth in a predacious grin.

"You have to show me that you're loyal to the Dark Lord. I have a proposition for you. If you succeed you will earn our trust but if you fail, you will die."

Peter knew he had no choice and that this man had him trapped. He nodded for Lucius to continue already knowing he would accept.

* * *

Sirius was a tall, well-built, darkly handsome man with fair skin, long, lustrous black hair, striking grey eyes, and had an air of "casual elegance". This vestige of aristocratic beauty is apparently an attribute passed down through the Black Family line. He always wondered if Harry Potter's similar appearance had anything to do with his strong paternal protectiveness he always had felt for the boy. If not for the eyes Harry could have passed for a Black.

Yet, after the death of Lily Potter, Harry began to remind him even more of his deranged family. The boy's eyes were empty, except when he had a rare outburst of rage. He could not get the memory of Harry covered in his own mother's blood from his mind. That poor child had suffered more than any child should have to endure. He was headed to Godric's Hollow to watch his godchildren while James went to the Wizengamot Administration Services to finalize all of the paperwork on Lily's death.

He arrived at Godric's Hollow with a soft thump as his motorcycle landed in the driveway. He had come from Hogsmeade Honey dukes shop where he had brought a bag of candy hoping to bribe a smile from his troubled godchildren. He walked up to the front door with a large bag of Burt jelly beans of every flavors bouncing from the belt loop.

It had only been a month since the attack and he could already see the effects of Lily's absence. The usually prim front yard that was covered with herbs and flowers that Lily had used for her work were already starting to grow wild. _Maybe I can hire a landscaper to help maintain the yard for James? _

He walked up the cobblestone path, and stopped in front of a thick oak door. He could not stop but recall how only a month ago the last door had been blasted apart. He quickly knocked on the door with a solid whack. He had never waited for his best friend to answer the door and today was no different. Sirius strode into the front hallway. Rose was coming down the stairs carrying the stuffed dog that he had given her for her second birthday. He smiled at the memory with fondness.

The toddler ran at him excitingly speaking half English and half babble. Sirius reached out to pull Rose into his arms and he then spun her around in the air. When he was done he put her down on the ground and ruffled her short auburn hair. He felt someone looking at them and glanced at the living room.

The child that had been in Sirius's mind a lot lately sat at the sofa in the living room. The very sofa he knew Lily use to read books to her children in. He held a copy of _The Bard and Beetle_ in his hands. What had caught his attention the most though was the cold look that Harry was giving them. _That's what candy is for!_ Sirius smiled at Harry determined to see his smile.

"Hey, pup! Sorry did we interrupt your reading?" Sirius let his sheepish grin that always caused a smile to refine his face. But it slowly started to fade as time went on and Harry only stared silently at them. Sirius noticed that Rose was trying to pull them into the kitchen.

"Rose, go get your daddy for me okay?" Sirius silently hoped Rose would willingly go search for James and not made a fuss about it. He sighed in relief as he watched her nod and run up the stairs.

Sirius turned back at the boy. "Harry, I brought you some candy." Harry continued to stared blankly back at him. "Uh...Which story are you reading? _Babbitty Rabbitty_ was always my favorite." Harry seemed to consider his question before he placed the book on his lap.

"I'm reading _The Three Brothers_. I'm going to trick Death and get him to bring back Mum." Harry looked proud. It was the first emotion that he had seen on the child's face beside a cold emptiness and rage since Lily's death. Sirius hesitated to answer.

"Harry, you know they are just stories, right? The Deathly Hollows and the fictional character Death do not exist. It's just a fairytale." Sirius immediately regretted saying something as he watched Harry's face fall and contort into rage filled sorrow.

"No, you don't understand. Mum has to come back. I feel so empty and it hurts so badly. She has to come back and make_ it_ go away." Harry eyes looked wild. Sirius felt such grief as he watched the poor child.

"Pup, it's normal to feel this way. It will get better in time." Sirius crossed the room and hugged his godson. Harry stilled and did not return his hug.

"I don't think_ it's_ normal." Harry began to rub his scar profusely. Sirius caught his arm.

"Harry, look at me." The small boy stared back up at him. "You have to be brave!"

Harry's face filled with pain and then he averted his eyes. "I will try." Sirius hugged the boy tighter.

Later that night he was heating up Rose and Harry's dinner when he heard Rose start to sob. At first he thought maybe she was having another late night fit due to her tiredness but he quickly began to realize the cries seemed more serious than that. He put the plates down on the overly large rustic table and headed towards the sound of her voice.

He walked into Rose's room. She was in the middle sobbing as she held onto a beheaded stuffed black dog. The black dog he had seen her holding only an hour before. He made his way across the room and knelt down next to her. "How did this happen?" Rose sobbed loudly as she hugged him but did not reply. Sirius figured it was a long shot but he had tried to see if she could explain what happened.

He tried to wrap his mind around what could have possibly caused this. After he calmed Rose down, he searched for Harry, and found him in his room. The boy was sitting on his bed. This scene did not belong in this room or in his memories. His innocent godson was furiously pulling pieces of cotton from the beheaded toy and throwing them on the ground littering the floor like snow. The expression on the small child's face did not belong. He sat in a room that had magically painted rabbits on the walls which hopped around and Sirius could not believe as he watched his four year old godson sit silently as he ruthlessly ripped his younger sisters stuffed animal apart.

"Harry, what are you doing? Why would you do that to Rose's dog?" Sirius stared shocked. Harry's eyes rose from the animal he was destroying. Rage filled his green eyes.

"Rose has to realize that her dumb dog can't help her. Everything is a lie. Nothing can keep you protected and nothing can keep you safe. _It_ will not stop. I keep hearing _it_ talk about hurting everyone." Harry's eyes looked so lost. He looked so hurt and so young. Sirius regretted even more that he had said anything about the book. He had tried not to think about what Harry had witnessed. To think that Voldemort had bragged about hurting Harry's family before he murdered Lily made Sirius's vision red. He had no idea know a child could cope with witnessing such a nightmare.

Harry dropped the severed head on the ground in front of him.

"I have to make sure she knows Fairytales don't exist. Only monsters…"

**AU: I'm requesting ****constructive criticism**** from follow writers and betas as well as ****encouragement. **** Also let me know who was your favorite character and I will try to write more in their POV in the future. **

**Thank you!**


	3. Chapter 3

**My Dark Passenger**

Summary: What would have happened if Harry had witnessed his mother's death at four year's old instead as an infant? It would have resulted in Harry coping with the murder of his mother on a much deeper darker level. It includes a believable dark Harry, events of the 1st generation of the Order of the Phoenix, slash, torture, and murder. This story was inspired by the TV show: Dexter.

_Warning: Murder, torture, blood, gore, minor child abuse, and intense violence. Mentions of slash starting in Harry's fourth year of Hogwarts. (Around chapter 30)_

* * *

Author's Note:

This last chapter took a lot longer because I had to write out a time-line with the aftermath of each Death Eater attack and the trials. Plus it takes a long time to really get into the characters shoes so I can effectively write each one. I will have to say that this chapter was a ton of fun to write!

Plus all of the editing takes an extra couple of days. Trust me; you don't want to read it until my spouse has fine combed it. lol

* * *

Chapter Three: Published date: 8/04/14

* * *

Peter scurried across the distinctly shabby corridor that housed the Wizengamot Administration Services. His furry paws clicked against the dirty tile floors. It was business hours and people were hurrying along their days. Men and women were brutally scratching their quills against the parchment papers and mind-numbingly stacking and organizing endless paperwork. The smell of ink and sweat filled his overly sensitive nostrils. He felt his nose twitch trying to relieve it of the massive amounts of dust that came from the coated floors.

He did not miss the small cubicles with large piles of paper columns. Peter kept to the edges of the desk and walls trying to prevent the suspicion of a witch or wizard.

He had never really thought about the Ministry's no owl policy but today he was very aware and grateful as he smirked at the charmed paper airplanes flying through the ceiling tops. He paused to catch his breath and calm his nerves under a low desk.

He watched a young woman wearing a short black skirt and tight black robes trip across the floor. Papers flew across the floor. He felt his gaze trace along her smooth pale legs up towards that short skirt. He briefly wondered if her head was as empty as his mother's had been. He felt a sick stab of arousal stir as he saw a flash of white undergarments. _I bet that whore likes it rough..._ Visions of all of the things that he could do to her ran across his mind. During his twisted fantasies the young witch had gathered herself and her paperwork. She was brushing off some dirt from her robes when she had noticed the rat. Her eyes widen with surprise.

Peter's moment of longing was interrupted by a shrill scream. Panic crossed his beady eyes as he realized she was staring right at him. Quickly he fled as the people around her tried to figure out the source of her panic. Fear drove through his body. His paws rapidly thudding across the ground.

Peter knew he was risking a lot by coming here but the security at night was far stronger than during business hours and he had no choice.

_Fail and die…_

He finally made it to the back room that held countless files of paperwork. He watched as papers magically went to and from the cabinets. He had never been so happy to have had a job filing paperwork as he did now. He quickly transfigured back into his natural state and flicked his wand. He concentrated on what he was looking for and voiced his spell,"**_Adducam libro Longbottom estate_**".

Peter smiled as a file of papers flew into his hands.

* * *

Everyone had always told Neville that he looked like his mother with his similar round-face, short figure, hazel-green eyes and blond hair but his mother continued to remind him that his smile was all his father's; it had never failed to cause his lips to turn upwards. Everyone in the family knew that his father was a great man. His Grandma was always bragging about his father at holiday parties about how great of a duelist he was. Neville never voiced it but he really hoped that one day that he could be as brave as his father.

"Frank dear, could you pass the pancakes?" His mother smiled across the formal dining table forwards his father.

"Of course, honey. _Wingardium Leviosa_." He watched the pancakes levitate gently down to his mother. _I can't wait to have a wand. _Neville yearned to hold his father's wand in his hands, if only to pretend to cast a spell.

_It must be wonderful to feel magic flow through you._ Neville frowned and tried to block his Grandmothers hurtful words_. "Are you sure he's not a squib? Everyone else's grandchildren are already showing signs."_ He really did not like his grandmother.

Neville looked back at his plate and took another bite of his mums delicious maple glazed bacon. He was sure his gran would also comment about his second portions too but he could not help himself. His mum's bacon was famous. He smiled as the sweet salty goodness filled his taste buds. His mother was absent mindlessly making a shopping list for Christmas dinner and his father was reading the newspaper.

"Alice, have you read The Daily Prophet?" His father's voice cracked a little. He watched his mother rise from the table and head over to his father in concern. _What could make his father frown like that?_ That face reminded him of the expression he had seen the day Professor Dumbledore had told them about the death of Harry's mother. He shivered at the thought of the memory. No one had been the same since that night.

He still remembered the first time Harry had come over to play after that night. His once energetic and rowdy friend had just stopped laughing and smiling. Neville had not known what to do when Harry simply sat down on Neville's bed and read _The Bard and Beetle_. He had tried so hard to get Harry to move and play but Harry simply had ignored him and when he had pushed him too far, Harry had yelled at him to leave him alone.

Neville felt like such a coward ever since. He wished he was brave like his father. Maybe he would have had the courage to help his friend, but he had only run away. His parents were muttering now. He could tell that his mother was trying to comfort and calm his dad who looked increasingly angrier.

"How could they let him go? After what he did to Fabian and Gideon Prewett! How could they make a deal with that sort of man?!" His father threw the newspaper roughly against the table. "What a bloody turncoat! He gave up Dolohov, Evan Rosier, Travers, Mulciber, and Snape." His father paused a moment rubbing his chin. "Traver's hmmm, well at least Sarah will have some peace."

His mother turned to slap his father's shoulder.

"Frank, watch your language around your son! I don't want Neville learning that kind of language." She turned towards him and winked before continuing her argument. "You know how the ministry works. They were able to get proof to put a lot of other Death Eaters away."

His father frowned with guilt and smiled at his direction.

"Don't say bloody or your mums going to bloody me up." His dad smiled warmly at him before looking back at his mum. "It still does not make it right! We all know they are guilty!" voiced his Father.

Neville watched the argument in silence. His parents had been arguing more lately. He knew it was due to the War. Even he could see the fear hidden behind his parents smiles. He felt bad that Harry had lost his mother but he could not help but feel grateful that Voldemort was gone. He really hoped that his parents would find peace soon. He looked out the large living room windows and towards the Quidditch pitch in the distance_. I wonder if Harry and I can fly today. Harry always loved to fly more than reading. _

Alice and Frank's sudden silence caused him to look away from large windows. His parent's faces were strangely blank.

"How did they find us?" The whisper of his mother's voice scared him.

"I don't know…." His father responded softly.

His mother turned swiftly towards him.

"Oh Merlin, Neville you have to run! Run! You must hide!" The urgency and force in his mother's eyes uprooted him from his chair and made him stumbled upwards.

"Mum, what's going on?" Neville knew he should listen but he did not want to leave his parents. He felt his mother start to push him towards the hallway as his father ran out of the dining room towards the entrance of the manor.

"Neville, I have to help your father. You must run and hide. There are bad people here. When this is over, I will come for you." Neville nodded as he felt dread pool into his stomach. He watched as his mother disappeared around the corner running towards his father.

He stomped a foot down and shook his head to focus himself and turned towards the hallway. He ran down the red carpeted hall towards the kitchens. He winced as he heard screaming. He could not tell if it was his father or another man. Fear began to fill his mind causing him to slow and began to panic.

_Where do I hide? Should I hide? _The kitchen was in front of him. The stone floors and brick walls sent a chill across his skin and he began to feel like he was going to cry.

_I'm such a coward. _He headed deeper into the kitchen wondering if he could fit into one of the cabinets, when he heard the back entrance open.

"Lookey here, an itty bitty baby Longbottom." A woman with thick, shining dark hair, long eyelashes and heavily hooded eyes stood in the doorway. He had seen her in the newspapers and had heard stories of her from other people.

_Bellatrix Lestrange... _He watched her in frozen fear and she laughed at him, her hand brushing the side of the door frame as her robes sleeves draped to her elbows. The familiar skull tattoo marred her pale skin and she smiled when Neville started to back away_. What do I do? _His felt his heart start to pound against his chest and he felt his body to start to break out in a cold sweat. He watched with fear as Bellatrix's lips turned upwards into a wide smile as she started to rock back and forth onto the tips of her toes.

"Don't be afraid baby. I'm only here to bring you to your parents." Her voice filled the air like a sickly sweet poison. She moved towards him and he backed into the cooking table behind him. He knew he was trapped and he could tell she knew it too. In a vain attempt to flee he dropped to the ground and started to climb under the table_. _Bellatrix's high pitch laugh echoed through the small corridors. He watched her high-heels clink towards him. Neville frantically scooted as far as he could until his back was against the hard brick wall that the table was pushed against. Clasping his hands over his head protectively he felt himself start to shake in fear.

_No, no, no, no I can't get away! _Bellatrix's laughter rang in his ears.

"What a silly little mouse! Do you really think you can hide from me?" His hazel eyes widen as he watched her kneel in front of the table. Her head tilt to the side as her long curly hair brushed against the ground and she smiled at him. "What a silly mouse. It will be okay. I promise we'll play a bit before I eat you!" He felt her long filed nails grab his leg and pull him towards her.

Neville started to try to kick her off him as he grabbed the wooden table leg but his clammy hands quickly slipped off. His heartbeat pounded against his chest and the blood rushed in his head. The mad woman pulled him up. He continued to struggle against her until he felt her slap his face so hard that his vision blurred and his face tingled. When his senses returned he noticed that she was not holding him. He stared warily at her. The woman rubbed her hands together.

"Oh, please do run! We will have so much fun." A chill of fear run down his body. He knew she was playing with him but he could not stop as his feet started towards the door. He felt his feet pound against the stone floors and he watched as his hand almost made it to the doorway. He was trying so hard to grab it, to boost his speed around the corner but right as his small hand grabbed the frame he felt her grasp the back of his robes and pull him towards her.

_No! No, I have to get away. I have to hide. Oh I have to hide._

He tried to grab onto anything to get away from her grasp but the smooth cold stone floors gave him no help. She started to pull him across the kitchen floor. He felt his raised robes digging into his delicate throat. Fear filled his small body and tears began to roll down his cheeks. He could not breathe and a fog filled his mind. He could not see clearly through his panic. His body landed on the hard surface and the woman continued to laugh_. It's hurts so much. I just want my mum and dad. _

"Get up little mouse." Neville felt his breath return and sobs started to shake through his body.

"I want my Mummy, please take me to my Mum. Please… I want my mummy."

She frowned down at him with a look of disappointment. "Are you sure you don't want to play? Maybe you'll even escape. You never can know!" She turned her head towards him, her face filled with curious concern.

Neville shook his head no over and over as he continued to cry.

"You're no fun! Oh well." She pulled him up and he felt as his body pressed against the front of the stove. "Oh alright! Have it your way, I'll bring you to your filthy mother but first we have to dress you up nicely! You know, you are my gift to her." He felt himself start to shake and his jaw chatter as the mad woman lit the stove-top on.

"Wha..at are you do…ing?"Neville stuttered.

Bellatrix played with the flame running her fingers quickly through to. "Yes, this will do nicely. It will make such a nice pretty red ribbon." He started to pull against her grip with every ounce of strength he had left but she roughly grabbed his hair and started to pull his face towards the flames. Neville felt a scream escape his throat. Terror electrified his body. He closed his eyes and clenched his jaw preparing himself for the pain. The heat of the flame started to blast against his face and he knew it were mere inches away.

He felt the flames began to burn his skin as if the sun was trying to kiss his face but as suddenly as the pain started it disappeared. Bellatrix's lost her balance and her grip lessened. He quickly took advantage of her momentary weakness to rip himself from her hold. He felt his bottom hit the blessedly cold floor. The woman grunt in pain and temporarily collapsed. His house elf Penne was on top of the witch with a frying pan still in her large hands. Penne's huge eyes stared back at him filled with fierce worry. She hastily hopped off the mad witch and ran towards him. Still his eyes could not look away from the blue flames that had just moments ago licked at his face.

"Master Neville must go. The bad woman will be up soon." Penne gently grabbed his arm and he felt them apparate away. They landed in a cold dark metal passage. Neville looked around in confusion.

"Penne where are we?", he questioned loudly. The house elf quickly brought her hands to his mouth and covered it.

"Master must be quiet. Penne could not get past the ward around Masters home. Penne could only bring you here. These are the air vents that lets the manor have renewed air. Penne sometimes uses them to travel through the home. Oh Penne is a bad house elf. Penne is sorry. Penne will not touch master." She whispered rapidly and then pulled her hands away just as quickly.

"Where are mum and dad?" Neville whispered fiercely back.

"Penne could not help them. There are too many." Penne's eyes filled with huge tears and started to stifle sobs. Neville paused and felt his heart stop.

_No, they can't be. _"Penne, are they…. Are they dead?" Penne looked away for a moment before replying.

Penne let out a soft, "No…" Neville felt a sigh of relief escape his mouth he did not even know he was holding.

"Well, where are they? You have to take me to them." Neville felt a moment of rage as Penne shook her head no. Her whole figure shook in what must have been pain as she started to forcefully pull at her bat-like ears.

"Master Neville, it's not safe. Master could get hurt." Neville was about to yell back at her before he heard a distant scream. He knew he should have stayed with Penne but he could not stop as he started to crawl on all fours towards the sound of his parent's screaming.

He heard his parents cries get louder and louder and Penne continuing to beg him to turn around. He finally began to see a small amount of light. His parent's screams paused again.

He could feel his hot breath in the small space and the cold chill of air flowing over him as he stared through the vent opening into his living room. His parents were lying on the floor bounded by rope. Blood leaking from their noses. Three men were standing around them. He put his hands over his mouth as he tried to stop his fear from escaping his mouth.

"How boring!" drawled out an older tall man that was staring blankly across the room.

"Shut up Rabastan!" A young man snapped. He had pale skin with straw-colored hair and freckles. "Where is he? What did your group do with the Dark Lord?" The young man yelled at his parents so close to their faces that he was sure the spit could land on their faces.

"He is dead." He heard his father speak.

"You're lying, you filthy blood traitor, and I know it! You must have done something! Tell the truth, tell the truth! Why was our Lord so interested in you and the Potters? What did you do? Tell me the truth or, I swear, I shall put a knife through your pretty wife! ANSWER ME!"

"Barty, you need to calm yourself. You're not going to get them to talk like that." Spoke the last man.

Barty turned towards the man clearly trying to calm himself. "Rodolphus, why don't you let me take care of this and you can go find that wild wife of yours?"

Neville felt as Penne wrapped her long arms around him and brought her hands to his ears trying to muffle the screams of his parents as the Death Eaters continued to cast Crucio over and over. Neville longingly looked at the only fireplace that was connected to the floo network as he listened in silent terror as his parents screams echoed through the manor and than started to fade as the daylight did.

* * *

Harry watched as his father introduced a tall thin woman with pale skin and a sharp-featured face. "Children, I would like you both to meet Ms. Meredith."

Ms. Meredith stood in the front doorway beside their father. Harry noticed her perfectly pressed robes and her brown hair that was fastened into an unnaturally tight bun that did not let a strand escape. The abnormally neat woman turned towards _his _little sister Rose and gave her a tight-lipped smile. Every trace of enjoyment that he had previously been experiencing as he played with his little sister disappeared as a frown formed on his lips.

Harry had been playing knights and dragons with Rose before they had been interrupted. The large rug in the living room had been their pretend castle grounds and the castle was a series of pillows that he had taken from the sofa.

He looked at his sister who was smiling shyly back at the tight-lipped woman. A feeling of protectiveness surged through him. The last week had been difficult and he had ended up feeling ashamed for destroying Rose's dog. His sister had stared at him like a monster for days. _I'm not a monster. I was just trying to protect you._

A sharp pain shot around his forehead. He resisted the urge to rub his scar._ I'm not weak._

Rose had still not quite forgiven him for her stuffed animal but his offer to begrudgingly let her be "the beautiful princess" instead of a knight had warmed her into playing with him again. Still she was not very good at protecting the castle. She had even once tried to make the princess kiss the dragon. _Girls are so stupid._

The sound of someone clearing their throat drew his attention back to the woman in front of them. Harry watched his Father look around nervously.

"Why is she here?" He stared straight at the woman. Their father had been busy every day since their mother's death. The last month he and his sister had been dropped off at every one of his father's friends' homes. Staring at the woman who he now saw was holding a suitcase triggered a memory. When he had been dropped off at the Burrow, Ron's mother had mentioned to his father about hiring a nanny_. _Harry felt dread start to settle into his stomach._ He wouldn't do that to Mum. He would not give up that quickly…_

"Harry, she is here to take care of you and Rose while I'm working. I can't always be here to take care of you. So I found Ms. Meredith. She's going to be your Nanny." Ms. Meredith walked up to them. He felt their new "nanny's" eyes going up and down their clothes. He grabbed Rose's small hand and pulled her closer to him. Rose whined a little but hushed when he stroked her wild red hair like he knew his mother use to do. Ms. Meredith tisked her tongue at them.

"It's clear that you needed some help, Mr. Potter. These poor children are dressed like street urchins." Harry turned to his father expecting him to defend them. His father only nodded his head silently, looking guilty for some reason. His father seemed to quickly regain himself and looked at them both reassuringly.

"Ms. Meredith watched the Hollingberrys' children. Harry, Do you remember them from last year's Auror picnic?" Harry remembered the two quiet children. He remembered wondering why they would not play with him and Neville. He still remembered their odd response.

_"We can't get dirty. She will know." _Harry looked back at the woman that was making him feel uncomfortable.

"I don't need a Nanny. I can take care of myself. I can take care of Rose." He clenched his teeth and straighten his back.

"Now Harry don't be like that. You know I have to work and I cannot keep asking our friends to watch you both. We need a Nanny." His father's voice was filled with frustration.

Harry stared at the woman and a sense of dread and betrayal caused him to press his lips tightly together. He could feel tears begin to burn behind his eyes. _Why did she have to be here? Why couldn't he just take care of them?_ He wanted her gone. He suddenly felt nauseous as a distant anger started to fill his body. _My father is trying to replace Mum! The nanny cannot stay here! _He glared at his Father and the stranger letting the hate and anger fill his green eyes. His hand tightened around the toy knight that he had been playing with only minutes ago. He felt it painfully dig into his palm.

"Now, Harry. Please don't look at me like that. You know..." Harry could not hear another word coming from his father's mouth. He felt himself step forward as his muscled tensed in rage.

"No! No! I don't want her. Make her leave. I don't need a nanny. I DON'T NEED HER!" A strange rage began to affect his mind. _Hurt her... _He heard it whisper. Harry threw the toy at the woman with all his might. He watched in disbelief as the toy was reflected with a flick of the woman's wand. The knight crashed into the wall beside her with a loud thwack. He looked at the toy that he was certain was now broken.

"My, my, what a temper your boy has." Meredith stated crossly. His father started to apologize to her.

"Please forgive my son's horrible behavior. He is just having a hard time adjusting." Harry's anger started to fade into a numbing pain. He frowned at his father's thoughtless words and cocked his head. _Am I a horrible child? _

"No, Mr. Potter it's okay. Children will be children. Don't worry he will learn manners soon enough." The woman looked coldly at him.

Something about this woman felt familiar. Like a distant memory that he could not recall. Gray walls and an iron fence sprung into his mind. He felt _It_ stirring in his mind. Like a large snake uncoiling around his mind to be able stalk its prey. He knew at that moment, _It _wanted to hurt the woman. _It_ wanted to make her scream and suffer. Visions of the woman bleeding on the ground filled his mind. He was so submerged into _its_ vision that he could feel his hand wrapped around a sharp blade as he watched himself kneel down next to her fallen figure. He shook his head in refusal. _I need Mum... _

Harry turned away from the woman and reluctantly let go of Rose's hand before he ran through the front door towards the last place that felt like his mother was still alive. He could hear his Father yelling for him to stop. Harry only forced his legs to move faster. He ran towards the forest on the outskirts of Godric's Hollow to his mother's garden.

The forest was vast and wide. It had soft rolling slopes that was thick with vegetation and small creek that ran through it. Harry ran along the side of the creek until he spotted the stepping stones that would let him venture further into the forest's depths. He jumped from stone to stone. He grabbed onto the roots and brush along the banks of the creek to pull himself up onto the other side.

A childish grin of delight graced his face as a fire salamander ran out from one of the bushes he had used to help him climb up. He started after it. A burst of laughter erupted from his lips as he ran along the creek-side trying to catch the black and yellow amphibian. He watched with fascination as it began to wiggle its way under a rock. An odd conclusion drew across his mind as his heart sunk.

_It's hiding from me..._

He stared down at the creature only half hidden by the rock, trying so desperately to hide from him. He felt sadness flow through him like the river, cold and unending. It washed all of the innocence out of him and left him a mere shell of what he had been mere seconds before. He wrapped his arms around his small body tightly. He lifted his right foot up and than pressed it down onto the rock digging it deep into the earth. He watched as the amphibian struggled under his weight. The rock cut into the fire salamander's body and Harry frowned down at it.

_Hiding doesn't work..._

He lifted his foot away from the rock and started towards one of the deeper sections that had a large thicket of birch trees that blocked most of the sunlight. Soft colors of white and yellow speckled the ground as small flowers bloomed out of the moss. A flash of a vibrant green caused him to pause. A smile graced his face and he felt his shoulders start to relax.

He still remembered how his family rarely left Godric's grounds due to the threat of Voldemort. His mother had spent much of her time here because of how limited their ability to leave Godric's Hollow had been. He knew she had felt more free out here in the woods but he knew better.

_It's still a cage. _

He dropped to the ground in front of his mother's Curare vine patch. He recalled how she had been excitingly explaining about the newest effects that she had discovered it could do in her newest potion. As he looked at the heart-shaped leafs that grew from the thick vines he could hear his mother's distant words. "_When people hear about the curare vine they usually think about suffering and pain, but I found a way for it to heal."_ That was his beautiful mother.

_ I miss you…_

Harry laid into the earth and breathed in the scent of decaying leaves and rich soil. This was the only place he felt a sense of peace, if only temporarily. He could feel his breath slowing and evening out. He felt the anger, and hate clear from his mind.

_How is this normal? Am I weak? Sirius said everyone feels like this but then why does it feel so unnatural? How do they ignore the voice... Maybe I am just a horrible child? _Harry felt tears burning his eyes.

_No, I have to be strong._ _Sirius said I have to be.  
_

Harry looked over his mother's garden and felt himself draw strength from its beauty. He loved his mother's garden. He continued to recall some of the amazing things all of these plants could do from his mother's lessons. Maybe a plant would be the answer to bringing his mother back. He smiled.

Before the red eyed man had taken his mother, they had worked in this garden all year long. He had spent many hours playing by his mothers side helping her plant, harvest and maintain the many herbs and plants that grew here. His mother would want her garden to be in perfect condition when she came back.

He glared down at the weeds that were already starting to invade his mother's garden. He violently ripped a weed from the rich earth. He continued to rip weeds from the ground. He pulled them up over and over until his lungs started to burn and his arms and hands started to ache in pain.

_She's coming back… She's coming back…_

He continued to shout in his mind as he repaired the last living piece of his mother that he had left.

He did not care if making a deal with death would not work. He knew bringing back the dead had to be real. He was a wizard. It did not matter to him that no one else had done it.

_I'm not like them. I'm different._ The monster in his head hissed in approval.

**AN: Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed and followed/favorited me! It really helped me push another cup of coffee my way when I was dead on my feet. As an writer my largest goal is to wrap you in so close to each character that you feel like your right there. If you're not getting emotionally invested in each character, than I am not doing my job. So let me know what you think and how you felt when reading it. I love hearing theories and love answering questions, so please feel free to ask and share. Also know if it's been an abnormally long time since my last update I do periodically write on my profile page about the latest chapter's status.**

**Thank you!**


	4. Chapter 4

**My Dark Passenger**

_Warning: Murder, torture, blood, gore, minor child abuse, and intense violence. Mentions of slash starting in Harry's fourth year of Hogwarts. (Around chapter 30)_ This story was inspired by the TV show: Dexter.

* * *

AN: I have spent hours looking up everything I could about the Auror Department to try to keep as close to JK Rowling novels as possible however, there is not much about how this department works. Only vague describes of what they do as well as how they become an Auror. Seeing as the Department of Magical Law Enforcement will become a large part of the plot, I researched on Muggle Law enforcement and am trying to transfer that knowledge to the wizardry world. Either way I hope you enjoy my interpretation of how I think it would have been.

* * *

Chapter Four: Published date: 8/16/14

* * *

Albus Dumbledore walked through the halls of Hogwarts towards his office with Severus Snape following beside him. He glanced over at Severus who had not said much in the last few minutes. Severus had always been a man of few words but the usual silence was not as tense as it was now. Severus had not been the same since the death of Lily Potter. Dumbledore's forehead wrinkled in deep thought. Ever since the young man had come to him and begged him to save Lily from his own foolish mistakes, Dumbledore had developed a sort of paternal affection for the man who reminded him so much of his younger self._ Everyone deserves a second chance._

Dumbledore reminisced for a moment of his younger years when his hair was still auburn and his body was not so weary. Over his lifespan he had been exposed to a large amount of responsibility, since the accidental death of his mother that had left him custody of his two younger siblings, to the moment he had fallen in love, that had ironically lead them to where he was today._ Sadly no matter how much one knows or how much power they hold, no one is protected from the matters of the heart. _

After four long years protecting the Potters, he knew that Lily's death had come as surprise to Severus. _Severus, I do understand the pain of failing someone you loved so dear. Oh the power and curse that is love…_

He knew that the death of Lily Potter was also part his fault. He had been distant from the Potters the last year while deep in his own war efforts, and he wondered now if he had been a more solid part of their lives, if they would have asked for his opinion before switching secret keepers. He had offered to be their secret keeper once before. He would have happily taken over for Sirius. He was always willing to help lessen the burden of the weight of war.

After the trials when Igor Karkaroff had betrayed four of his follow Death Eaters, and he had been forced to reveal that Severus had been a spy for the Order. He had hired his former student in good faith to convince the Ministry not to send him to Azkaban. Severus would be taking over for Slughorn, who was retiring next year. He looked back at his former student brooding. He had found in his younger years that it was much harder to cope with the weight on his shoulders without humor and he had developed his own whimsical ways to ground himself.

"Severus, how would I look in gray?" Dumbledore asked. Severus stopped walking and stared at him oddly.

"What do you mean?" Severus seemed to always wear a suspicious expression these days. He would change that. Dumbledore contained his smile even though he was certain his bright blue eyes twinkled with mischief. He only hoped Severus would have come across the novel in his youth.

"Muggle-borns have many unique gifts to bring to the wizardry world. I will never forget the muggle-born student that offered me a lemon drop. However, I'm at a lost as to why they all seem to agree that I would look good in gray." Truth be told, his eyes had twinkled in laughter when the first student had compared him to the old wizard from the _Lord of the Rings_.

Severus brushed his hands down his sleeve as if sweeping off dust.

"Is that so? How did they come to this conclusion?" Severus drawled.

"I keep hearing them whisper talk of **'**Dumbledore the Gray**'**. It seems a student going by the nickname of Tolkien started these rumors. I mourn the poor boy who cannot appreciate the brighter side of life." Dumbledore gestured towards his own bright purple robes that had shooting stars embroidered in them that he thought contrasted quite nicely with his silver beard. Dumbledore muffled a burst of laughter as Severus's face contorted into a badly masked smile. Severus gathered himself quickly.

"Sir, I myself have always preferred black."

Dumbledore smiled brightly with humor. Severus had decided to keep the joke to himself. Dumbledore chuckled as they went pass the gargoyle and up the stairs towards his office. He cast a quick spell that would transfigure his current robes into the similar Gandalf The Grays robes and winked at Severus as he sit into his marvelously comfortable office chair behind his desk. He was going to have fun with this. Maybe he would even transfigure his wand into a staff in the future. Severus's once mournful face had brightened.

"Lemon drop?"

_Even under mournful gray skies, we can find humor._

Dumbledore heard the familiar sound of a flame flickering as his old friend, Fawkes appeared next to his desk. The phoenix watched contently from his perch. Dumbledore nodded his head welcoming his familiar.

Severus, like always, declined his sweet treat.

"Perhaps tea or coffee?" Dumbledore offered. Severus yet again refused before returning with his own question.

"What did you call me here for? I still have most of the year before I start my position." Severus asked. Dumbledore frowned slightly but adjusted and smiled warmly back at him.

"All business today, I see. You know Severus, one does not do well without small comforts in their life." Severus only glared in return. Dumbledore felt a moment of regret before looked briefly away and cleared his throat.

"Have you been having any difficulty writing up lesson plans? Horace informed me that he left notes." Severus's expression went from a glared to looking insulted.

"Of course not. Still…" Severus looked away clearly bothered by something.

"I have not had any difficulties other than ordering supplies from Diagon Ally for my curriculum next year. It would seem many people do not want to associate with me since the release of my name in the papers."

Dumbledore frowned.

"That must be upsetting. I will send a letter to the shop owner." Severus nodded in thanks.

"Dumbledore, I am forever grateful to have been given this job but are you sure it's wise to also make me Head of Slytherin? I have never heard of a new teacher taking that role before, and the public already distrusts me as it is."

"I have faith in you my boy. What better influence and support for the children of Slytherin than someone who has walked with darkness, yet did not let it consume him? You understand the situation that most of their families are experiencing right now and they will look to you for strength." Dumbledore tried to let his faith show through his eyes has he smiled down at him.

"All I can see these last few days are the results of my own failure. I failed her Albus. I don't know if I can continue living this way." Severus covered his face with his clenched hands. Dumbledore felt the weight crush at his shoulders at that statement but he knew what he must do. What he had the responsibility to do…

"If you loved Lily Evans, if you truly loved her, then your way forward is clear. You know how and why she died. Make sure it was not in vain. Help me protect Lily's son. I need you here at Hogwarts. I will need you when young Harry comes to Hogwarts."

Severus's face filled with brief grief and then rage.

"Why do you need my help? Why can't Potter help you?" Severus spit the word Potter as if cursing it. Dumbledore felt his heart clench. He knew how much this would hurt Severus but…

_We all have our duties…_

"Severus, we both know why I need you. There are many things that you can do to help protect Lily's child that James cannot do. You owe it to her."

Severus sat still deep in thought for many minutes and then sighed. Severus stared up at him with tiredness already filling his eyes.

"I made Lily a promise…" He started.

"Very well. But never — never tell, Dumbledore! This must be between us! Swear it! I cannot bear... especially Potters finding out..." Dumbledore felt the urge to try to comfort the haunted man in front of him but knew from his old age that it would only result in making Severus more upset.

Albus sat in silence many minutes after Severus left stroking his silver beard with his long fingers. Many people thought with the victory over Voldemort that they would now have only peace but Dumbledore knew that the people who had truly been a part of the war would never escape it. _The past never leaves you, nor does the pain._ Dumbledore thought as he touched his long and crooked nose that his brother had broken during their sister's funeral. _Love is such a powerful and fickle thing._ He knew that love was the most powerful and most dangerous of magic. It would make the most pure man do the vilest of things and could also cause the darkest of men to see the light.

Still the knowledge of this weighed on his shoulders and guilt forever buzzed in his mind, just like the humblest of creatures, the Bumblebee. He sat sighing and reached into his desk for his knitting needles and the latest sock that he had started. He began to knit another pearl stitch as he tried to clear his mind. _The wonders of knitting_. He smiled down at his bright fluorescent orange sock as he worked through his guilt.

He had completed another 15 rows before he heard another knock on his door.

Minerva hasty walked in.

"I'm sorry to interrupt you Albus but I just received the most disturbing letter from Elphinstone. He thinks that Peter Pettigrew may have been in the ministry. A young woman spotted a large rat in the Wizengamot Administration Services. He is investigating it further for now. I'm hoping that he is overreacting but if Peter has found his way into the Ministry, I fear what information he could have taken."

"Please sit Minerva. Would you like a Lemon Drop?" She shook her head no and continued to stand. Dumbledore knew she would not be staying long. Class was in session.

"Hmm, I'm happy that you were able to share this with me. I will call an Order meeting tonight to inform everyone." He watched as Minerva gave him a quick nod of approval.

"Thank you for your time Albus. I know you're busy…" She frowned at his sock.

"Knitting, it is great for unwinding." Dumbledore's eyes twinkled brightly. Minerva's lip twitched up a little in her own amusement.

"Good day, Ablus." She turned around and headed out the door.

Once Minerva left Dumbledore rose from his desk and walked over to his numerous gadgets and widgets. He scanned them but found one missing.

_Where is the Longbottom's widget? _

At that moment he heard someone firecall him. James's head stuck through the fireplace.

"The Aurors have just been informed that there has been an attack at the Longbottom manor."

Dumbledore's heart tightened again in pain under the every presence of guilt before responding.

"I'm on my way."

* * *

Harry watched the sunset in the distance and felt the cold start to settle across the earth. He forced himself from the ground and started back home. Harry's shoulders were hunched and he dragged his feet along the cobblestone pathway to the door. He really did not want to face his father after his outburst after meeting Ms. Meredith. Harry pushed his way into the door and into his home. It was oddly silent and dark. _Where is Rose and dad?_

He began to wonder if his father was mad at him when he saw _her._ Ms. Meredith sat at the living room sofa chair casually sipping from a hot cup of tea in his mother's spot!

"You finally decided to join us." She stated staring intensely at him. A look of disapproval contorted her face. Her already sharp featured face sharpened as she gazed at him.

"What are you doing here?" He exclaimed. Frustration starting to already make its way into his gut.

"I live here now. Though I'm only still awake because your father was called into work and he requested to let you come back home at your own pace. However, I will say if you had stayed out much longer I would have had to come to collect you." Harry looked around the lower level of his home and sharply turned his head back at her.

"Where's Rose?"

"She's upstairs in her room. It is her bedtime." The nanny rubbed her longer fingers around the rim of the tea cup while staring towards the staircase. Distrust surged through him and caution thumped through his heart. Rose had not slept by herself since the night of their mother's murder. She rarely spent even a moment alone. His father had ended up falling asleep by her bed the last month. Harry tried to be positive and hoped his gut instinct was wrong.

"She let you leave without getting upset?" His eyebrow rose in questioning.

"Mister Potter, I am aware that your father has babied her since the death of your mother but children must learn how to self sooth. Otherwise they will never be independent." Harry felt dread pool into his stomach. He understood that sometimes adults would ignore whining and push the child to be independent but this was not right.

"Rose still has nightmares. You're wrong! You were not there! You did not see what she saw." The vision of his blood drenched mother burned around his vision as tears began to build behind his eyes.

He turned towards the stairs and felt his feet pound against the hard wood surface. He did not hear anything from his sister as he raced up the stairs and wondered if maybe he was overreacting.

He reached the top of the staircase and headed down the narrow hallway. His sister's room was the first door on the left, his room was right next to hers. Their parent's bedroom was across from his own room and a bathroom was across Rose's bedroom. He glared at the end of the hallway that had been the guest room. He knew now it was the nanny's bedroom.

He finally reached his sister's room and stood outside of it. Not a sound was heard. He leaned against the door frame in relief when he felt it shake against him. Confusion rattled across his thoughts when a dark thought finally made itself home. _Rose is hitting the door. _He quickly dropped to the ground and looked under the crack in the door. He could see Rose's small feet standing behind the doorway. He rose and quickly tried to open the room only to find it locked.

_She locked up my sister! _Rage shook his small frame. Harry balled his fingers into a fist and drove them against the wall beside his sister room. He knew his knuckles began to bleed but the pain did not register in his mind. He desperately tried to will the door to unlock. _I need to see my sister. I need to see her. _Nothing happened. His mind went into a panic as he realized that he could not help her. He tried to slam his body against the door in a desperate attempt to open it but it only caused his shoulders to begin to ache.

He heard footsteps coming towards him. Ms. Meredith stood in the hallway. The light from downstairs crept pass her, it outlined her body with an unearthly glow. A fake smile plastered across her face and brown eyes shined down at him with disgust. Her lips were pressed tightly together as if the smile was causing discomfort. Harry decided at that moment, that he hated her.

"You unlock her door! YOU DO IT NOW!" Harry screamed furiously. His face flushed red and his skin burned with anger.

"Children do not yell at their elders. It seems that you also need to learn self-control." Ms. Meredith stated unemotionally as she gestured towards his bedroom door. "It is your bedtime."

Harry felt his teeth clench together so tightly that he thought they would break. Harry forced his voice become low and cold. "I'm not going to my bedroom until you open this door."

She tisked her tongue at him and frowned.

"Hmm, you are going to go to your bedroom now or I will help you." Harry knew then, that his woman was not going to help him nor listen. He suddenly felt as helpless as he had the night his mother had been murdered in front of him. He felt so weak and he hated it. The tears from moments ago burned hotter in his eyes. He took a deep breath in and tried again.

"She's scared. Please let me in to check on her." Harry could feel tears starting to escape his eyes even as he tried to hold them back.

_ Ssso weak…_It whispered throughout his head._  
_

"Mister Potter, she has no reason to be scared. Rose is perfectly safe. She will learn in time. Now you must be off to bed." Ms. Meredith crossed the distances between them and grabbed his upper arm tightly. Harry pulled against her grip but he still felt himself being pulled down the hallway into his room. She unexpectedly released his arm when they reached the bed and his own force from trying to pull away caused him to hit the ground hard. He collected himself as she walked away. When he looked up he saw Ms. Meredith standing in the doorway giving him the same fake smile, challenging him to confront her. He did not move but he could feel the tears and hate burn as he stared at her.

"Goodnight, Mister Potter." Harry could feel his own helplessness and rage twist together and he knew at that moment he wanted to hurt her. He wanted her to cry just like how she had caused his little sister to cry.

"I hate you." He whispered.

Ms. Meredith's own fake smile began to brighten into something more natural. The nanny seemed to find his comment amusing.

"You will learn in time." Was all she said as she shut the door. Than he heard her cast the locking spell and then the silencing charm. The silence followed.

Harry never moved from the dark green rug in front of his bed. He just let his anger curl around his heart as he stared at the doorknob and he continued to do this the rest of the night, willing the door to unlock. Tiredness caused his body to ache and his head to hurt but it did not matter. He was never ever going to be this weak again. He cared not that it might take months. He would learn to willed the door to unlock if it was the last thing he ever did.

* * *

James and Sirius arrived at the edge of the wards around Alice and Frank's home. He quickly brought his wand to his eyes and began to transfigure his eyes into his Animagus's. He felt his pupils enlarge, and his retina improved as the tapetum increased giving his eyes a second chance to register light which caused his Hazel iris to glow in the darkness. He glanced at Sirius, his midnight blue eyes glowed back in return. It was a spell Sirius, and he had created during their early years at the Auror academy. It was one of the reasons they had advanced so quickly through the ranks.

Still it had its disadvantages. They could only use the spell to gather Intel. Different animals perceived colors differently than humans. They were not able to see the colors of spells which distinctly decreased their ability to dual another wizard. Still his stag vision had its benefits. He could see better at night even if Sirius's dog eyes were slightly better. James also could now see a broader stretch of horizontal vision in front of him unlike his dog partner.

James scanned the large stretch of land that lead to the Longbottom's Manor. Unlike his own home, it was not covered in plant life, Alice did not have a green thumb like his wife had. Alice's front yard consisted mainly of perfectly manicured glass and a few evergreen trees. High above the manor a sickly green skull glowed in the darkening night sky.

James tried not to think about what the Death Eaters could be doing at this moment to his very close friends that were more like extended family. Generally an Auror could not work on a case or call with close family or friends but Frank was an exception. He was an Auror too, one of their own. There was not a person in the Auror Office that did not know Frank. His department was already furious about the attack on his own family. When they had received a call from a neighbor about the Death Eater mark above the Longbottom's home, his leader Rufus Scrimgeour had immediately set up a response plan. He had not let protocol slow him down and had sent them out immediately.

James glanced back at his partner, Sirius. They had been first responders for the last three years. Their job was to assess for safety and hazards, sizing up the scene and reporting the info back to his unit, then begin setting up for the rest of the unit. That might mean gathering Intel, providing basic lifesaving interventions, such as a mass causality incident, stabilizing the incident scene, such as protecting the property like putting out a fire or casting stabilizing spells on damaged buildings and, in cases of criminal activity, preserving evidence.

James twirled his wand around himself like he was wrapping himself in rope as he cast a Disillusionment Charm on himself. He resisted the urge to shake his head when the sensation of an egg yolk running down his scalp caused him to shiver, he knew now it was effective. He could hear his partner beside him following his lead.

James moved slowly towards the house keeping a careful eye for any hostile movements. Sirius walked behind him keeping at all times a couple feet away as he watched their backs. James and Sirius made their way up the property heading for the side of the house further away from the front door in case of a planned attack. When they made it to the side of the house James let a soft sigh of air escape his lips that materialized in the cold winter air like a puff of steam.

James pushed his back against the stone outer walls and the ice surface quickly seeped through his thick brown Auror robes. He briefly regretted that he had not cast a warming spell on his robe before the mission.

He saw a golden glint of metal that showed him that Sirius was close behind. Each pair of Auror's had matching pocket watches that could act as a commutation devise, tracker and could be seen only by their official partner. He heard Sirius whisper "Clear," He knew Sirius had cast a spell to identity all persons within the area.

They had not been able to cast the spell at the edge of the property due to range but now he knew that Sirius had not identified any unknowns.

They made their way around the large manor. Both of their backs pressed against the opposite sides of the doorway. James signaled a go and Sirius turned the door knob seeing if it would open. Many people assumed that Aurors would just blast the door apart but unless that was the last choice they preferred to just see if it was unlocked first. Less paperwork…

The door easily opened into the entrance room. James scanned across the dark entrance. He started walking into the manor. There was clear evidence of a struggle. They followed the damage into the Longbottom's living room where he saw his friends' battered bodies lying still on the ground. He felt his heart race and rage as sorrow churn in his stomach. _I have failed yet another person._

He quickly scanned the length of the room looking for their son Neville but he was nowhere to be seen. He rushed across the room and knelt next to his friends' bodies. He felt a sigh of relief escape as he felt Frank and Alice's breath brush across his hands. Still his eyes could not keep looking back and forth at the blood pouring from their noses and ears. He felt his stomach drop as he knew what this most likely meant. Dark thoughts that were created by the devastation of war crept into his mind_. It would have been more humane to have just killed them…_

James shook his head and looked back at Sirius.

"Neville was on the I.D. list, right?" James asked.

"Yeah, Alice, Frank, Neville and a house elf…" Sirius said as he stared down at Alice and Frank with haunted eyes and a frozen frown.

"Sirius, start stabilizing them. I'm going to survey the area and try to find their son." Sirius nodded his head as James walked towards the fireplace.

_They were so close to help. There must have been a group of them._

James opened a pocket watch and turned the hour hand to clear, alerting the rest of his unit that it was safe to enter. He moved the second hand to the healer symbol than clicked the pocket watch closed and pulled his wand in front of him.

He walked down the hall wishing someone had invented a simple spell for locating people.* He would probably have to wait until the search and rescue specialist arrived. Still he tried.

"Neville, its James Potter, Harry's dad. It's safe now. Can you yell my name?" Silence stretched out and he was close to giving up hope when he heard a soft pop. A house elf stood trembling in front of him.

"Master Neville needs help. Penne must show you." He watched as the house elf walked over to a metal vent and began to pull at it.

James moved towards her to help. Once the vent was moved he stared down at the small child. Neville sat on the floor of the vent his back pressed against the side and his eyes were looking blankly in front him.

"Neville, its James. Can you hear me? You can nod your head if you don't want to talk." Neville did not move.

_He is in shock, just like Harry was…_

* * *

Neville stared blankly at the wall in front of him as Dumbledore attempted to ask him again about the attack.

_It's my fault. _

The horror and never ending guilt caused his heart to clench tightly. He had thought the Death Eater men had been horrible but as the darkness settled across the manor Bellatrix had appeared. The only other thing that he could hear beside his parent's unfiltered animalistic screams, was her shrill voice that pierced his heart deeper than any bullet ever could.

"_Come out little mouse! Come out! Your parent's need your help. _Crucio!"

"_Scared little mouse. Don't you want to help your filthy Mummy. _Crucio!"

"_It's okay, little mouse. I would abandon such a filthy blood traitorous mother too!" The crunching sound of her high heel leather boots connecting with his mother's ribcage rang in his ears._

"_Can you believe this Mummy? Your pathetic little mouse doesn't love you. He is going to let you die." _

_Guilt…_

_Fear….. _

_And his own self damning silence… _

That's all he could see, feel, hear, or taste.

Nothing but the horror of screams and his own silence.

* * *

James went outside and walked across the field toward the Longbottom's quidditch field where he knew Sirius was at. His partner was lying on the frost covered grass watching the stars.

"Padfoot, how are you holding up?"

Sirius glanced at his direction before rocking his body into a sitting position. Sirius's eyes looked distant and old.

"I don't think I can do this anymore." Sirius confessed. James felt a chill of shock go through him. _I must have misheard him…_

"What do you mean you can't do this anymore?"

"Merlin, James! I can't take it anymore. They tortured them until their noses and ears bled! Did you see Neville?!" Sirius rubbed his hands over the top of his head and continued.

"The worst part was that Neville was not even close to the mind numbing vision of your son covered in Lily's blood." Sirius yelled. James did not think, just reacted as he hit Sirius across the jaw before collecting himself again as he backed away to distance himself.

"You're going to give up. You're not going to avenge their honor and death! How can you do that?" James felt his thought process slow as the anger consumed him. Sirius's face stared at him with open regret and a look of defeat.

"I searched for Peter for weeks and could not find him. I can't do anything… I can't protect anyone. I just keep failing." Sirius shoulders began to shake with grief. "I should have sucked it up and stayed your secret keeper. It's my fault Lily is dead. I should have known Death Eaters would search for the Longbottom's too. Oh Merlin, I'm such an idiot. I should have been here."

Sirius looked away broken. James softened, and he felt the rage start to dissipate but the disappointment still lingered and so did a touch a jealousy.

"You know that it was not your fault. No one knew."

"James, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for everything. I just know I need time. I'm not any help to anyone like this…" James looked away from his partner. Revenge was what had kept him going and to see his partner broken like this hurt him.

"You did not lose a wife..."

"They were still all my friends, most were like family." Sirius replied softly.

James silenced. He understood but he could not sympathize with Sirius. He did not have the option to break. That choice had been taken from him when Lily had died and left their children behind with him. All he had was the promise of justice and he was going to get it.

_No Death Eater will be spared…_

* * *

**AN: I spent multiple hours writing, researching, and editing this chapter. Please let me know what you think. It means a lot. ****Any comments/reviews are appreciated. Thank you again to all who read my story.  
**

**Harry Potter Lore shows this spell was found by Hermione Granger for use by Harry Potter(whether she invented it or merely found it through research is unclear). Given that the incantation is English, combined with the fact that none of the other champions used it and there is no recorded use of the spell other than Harry's, it is likely Hermione _did_ invent this spell.


	5. Chapter 5

**My Dark Passenger**

_Warning: Murder, torture, blood, gore, minor child abuse, and intense violence. Mentions of slash starting in Harry's fourth year of Hogwarts. (Around chapter 30)_

* * *

**Chapter Five:** Published date: 8/29/14

* * *

Elphinstone sat beside his wife in front of the Headmaster of Hogwarts. He frowned down at the copy of his files that laid on his lap. He was not very happy with his predicament but Crouch was not listening to him and to be honest, the thought of losing any more Aurors was distressing. Their numbers were far too low. The lack of Aurors on the field was beginning to take its toll on the department. Many of his employees were over worked and their stressful states were causing more mistakes than solutions. Ever since the public found out about the Longbottom's attack, a fire had been lit beneath his department's ass to clean up the mess. However, this had shown to be difficult. The Death Eaters were playing dirty and he was finding it hard to do his job.

He had spent the last month tracking down evidence to incriminate Lucius Malfoy but wall after wall sprung up. Papers would disappear, donations of large amounts would transfer and lips would seal. His once lead witnesses were now victims of random accidents. Lucius's most recent play, the "generous" donations to St Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries was the last straw and now found himself forced to turn to his wife's underground group. Dumbledore had to have the resources to help! He stared up at the old man who wore brightly florescent purple robes.

"Lemon Drop?" He shook his head no to Dumbledore's offer of a strange muggle candy and started to explain why he was here.

"It would seem that Peter Pettigrew is taking orders from a higher ranked Death Eater. There have been multiple sightings at the Ministry of a large rat. The Longbottom's raid only hours later concludes that Peter was under the orders of another Death Eater," stated Elphinstone.

"Who do you think he is getting his orders from?" Dumbledore's wrinkled eyebrows rose together in question. Elphinstone sorted through his papers.

"I believe that Lucius Malfoy is pulling strings throughout what is left of the Death Eater ranks. Many of the victims that had claimed to have seen him in Death Eater raids are now claiming they were mistaken. We were able to look at one of the victim's memories and it had been tampered with. Whoever did it was not a professional. What makes me think that Pettigrew is getting orders from Malfoy is the correlation between people connected to the Malfoy case and the evidence we found at many of the crime scenes. One obliviated victim still remembered seeing a rat minutes before he has a blank in his own memory. I also have been searching for rat hair at the scenes and have found matches at nearly all of them."

"This is very disconcerting to hear. It is sad to see such a man fall so far from the light. I will do what I can. The Order will make great use of this information. Thank you for bringing this to my attention." Dumbledore frowned towards the window. Clearly deep in thought as Fawkes sung out a sad low note. Elphinstone glanced over to his wife for a moment. She nodded for him to continue.

"Yes, the public is demanding justice. Crouch has no room for anything but harsh judgment. The people are beginning to talk of how the Ministry is failing them. We must achieve order. Malfoy must be stopped. I need help finding Peter. He would be the key to imprisoning Malfoy."" Elphinstone stared at Dumbledore trying to stress the importance of the issue.

"I will see what the Order can do. I'm sure with our combined resources we will be able to track him down." Dumbledore stated again. Elphinstone handed the file of all of his evidence over to Dumbledore. He had a moment of regret. What he was doing was very illegal but justice was justice. Right…

Minerva and he walked from the headmaster's office and down the stairs. He turned towards his wife. He loved to gaze at her, her very image radiated strength.

Elphinestone reached out to pull his wife close and kissed her chastely on the lips as a soft causal goodbye. To have her in his arms at this moment had been worth the wait. Worth all of the work.

He stepped back and left her gather herself. He knew that she had to return to her work. Minerva smiled warmly at him before bidding him a safe trip back to their home in Hogsmeade. He knew he should have headed back home to finish his reports but he was surrounded by memories of his youth and felt the desire to explore. He was growing old, well pass fifty and it seemed the older he became the more he thought of his youth. He found himself mindlessly wandering the Hogwarts grounds. He had many good memories here. The most recent was with his wife. He headed outside towards the lake where he had proposed only two years ago when he saw the greenhouse. He smiled brightly at the sight of it.

He made his way into the greenhouse. He had loved going there as a student. He had always been fond of Herbology. He felt the humidity hit his face as he entered and the smell of rich soil overpowered his senses. Rows beyond rows of sprouting herbs spread throughout the glass covered garden. His eyes glanced over towards a bench further back. He made his way towards it and sat down as he stretched out his long and aching legs. All of those bloody stairs would be the death of him. He had no idea how his wife went up and down them every day. He closed his eyes taking in the sound of the large charmed fan that spun above him as it caused a soft breeze to hit his weathered face.

He was so close to dozing off when the sound he had begun training himself to listen for scurried in front of him. His eyes jerked open with surprise. The man he had been searching for was standing right in front of him. The man who was the key to catching Malfoy. His heart began to pound fast with adrenaline as he reached for his wand. Peter came rushing forward running straight at him. He felt the man crash into him, wrestling him over the bench and crashing to the damp ground. Peter slammed his elbow with as much force as he could muster into Elphinstone's gut. The force of the blow caused his lugs to hurt and his eyes to daze, confusion filled his mind as he watched Peter quickly draw back in fear. _Why is he retreating?_

Clarity reached him moments later as he stared up at the eyeless face of a Venomous Tentacula. He watched in fear as the mobile vines eagerly grabbed at his arms. He moved his lips to cast Diffindo but as the spell was about to leave his lips he felt a body binding spell hit him square in the chest. He stared up at the approaching plant while he laid frozen in place and looking at what must be his death. He thought about his wife. How would she handle the death of her husband when she had only just began to heal from her first love?

_My poor sweet Minnie_... He struggled against the spell trying very hard to overcome it but no matter how much he wanted to live the spell stayed strong. His heart skipped a beat and he looked across the greenhouse from the ground pleading with the man who stared back.

_Please don't do this_…His eyes asking for his life to be spared.

Peter only fidgeted around as he whispered softly, "I'm sorry but I have no choice. You of all people should understand why."

_Oh yes, Mafloy,_ It seems he would become another accident_. _His heart started to race again before he remembered his earlier meeting.

_Oh no wait…_ _Dumbledore knows!_ His death would not be forgiven or covered up. He smiled at that thought as Peter just looked back in confusion.

Elphistone never saw the eyeless monster striking down upon his neck but he felt its fangs as they sunk deep into his carotid artery in his neck. He had brief moment of a burning adrenaline before darkness consumed him.

* * *

Neville sat on the hospital bed staring out the charmed window. A peaceful landscape was displayed. It had a gentle sun slowly setting over a hillside but no matter how long he stared at it no peace came to him. Only a constant cold numbness filled his body. He felt empty like the off-white walls and cold sterile floors of the hospital room. The last couple of days had been a chaotic blur of motions. The ever changing faces and questions hummed at the back of his thoughts. People had continued to ask him over and over what had happened. Still not a word escaped his lips. He was not stupid.

_Why don't they understand? I cannot talk. My parents cannot know I'm here. Oh Merlin, they will hate me forever! _Shame and regret coursed in his mind before an overpowering fear overshadowed it.

_I don't want to burn. I don't want to hurt. _Neville's head jerked quickly around, his eyes darting back and forth looking for the mad woman before he realized that he was still at the hospital. The surrounding room appeared distorted, blurry, colorless, and artificial.

_Why am I here?_

Weight hammered down on his chest and he leaned forward trying to breathe out and in through his nose, riding through his panic before it slowly subsided. He tried to tell himself that he was safe. That's why they had brought him here_. Right?_ His lower lip drew between his teeth as he began to bite at it. He knew that an Auror stood right outside his door but his head only felt like it was wrapped in cotton causing his senses to dull and time to jump sporadically around him. He thought about how he wished Penne was here._ I should have listened to her. _

He turned back and forth in the bed for what seemed like hours trying to keep their faces out of his mind. A knock sounded at the door. A motherly-looking healer walked in with lime green robes. Beside her was his grandmother.

"Neville, my name's Miriam Strout. I am a healer at St. Mungo's hospital. I have brought your grandmother. She is here to see you." The healer walked slowly to him and gingerly began to touch his hand. He stared silently ahead. His grandmother marched into the room and quickly inspected it. His grandmother was a tall, thin, bony woman. Her traditional black robes were ironed pleasantly and her bright red handbag rested against her front. She frowned with concern towards her grandson.

"Can't you just give him a calming draught?" Ms. Longbottom questioned. The healer shook her head no.

"I'm afraid acute stress in young children and even many adults cannot be tampered with. Their mind needs time to process and heal. A calming draft would only delay the shock and healing." The healer continued to stroke his hand. Neville moved away. He looked at his grandmother who was now standing in front of him. He did not like being so close to his overbearing grandmother without his mother close by. He looked around the room trying to spot his mum, before a chill of a memory raised the hair on his arms. A sudden burst of screams filled the inside of his mind. All he could hear was the gurgling screams of his parents' blood overflowing faces.

His breath began to quicken and his hands went to up to cover his ears. It did nothing to muffle the cries. Neville began to rock back and forth trying to force the screams to stop. He wished they had not taken her away. Why had they taken her away!?

"Penne, PENNE! Please make it stop. Please stop it!" Neville sobbed as he pressed the palms of his hands into his ears with such force that the pressure started to cause his face to grimace in pain.

The sound of snapping fingers echoed through the room before he felt a familiar set of arms wrapping around from the front of him. The healer and his grandmother watched in amazement as he collapsed in relief onto the house elf's lap. He cared not that his head was pressed firmly against Penne's coarse moth-eaten dress. Only the warm comfort of her overly large hands cupping his ears that caused the screams to lessen before disappearing. He felt himself slip into darkness.

* * *

Augusta Longbottom was a woman who prided herself in self-control, and yet she stared at the scene in front of her in astonishment. She recognized the house elf, it was the house elf the Longbottoms had inherited when Alice married into the family. She never understood why Alice treated it so sociably. They were servants not pets. Her musing was interrupted by the healer bursting out in excitement.

"What a leap of improvement!" Ms. Strout exclaimed as Augusta scoffed at her.

"How is this possibly an improvement!? What is a house elf doing here?" Ms. Longbottom stared sternly at the house elf. She frowned as she thought of how she would have to reteach it how to act properly in her family now that it would have to live in her home. Augusta watched with interest as the house elf did not cower under her glaze as her other house elf did. _How odd_…

"Penne belongs to Master Neville." Penne wrapped her arms protectively around the young boy and glared at the other two women. Augusta felt lost for an instant. She had been with her son the last two days and no one had mentioned the house elf.

"Can you please inform me of what is happening here?" Augusta questioned the healer. The healer smiled softly down at the odd pair.

"Neville has not responded to anything since he was brought here. I was informed that a house elf had hidden him from the Death Eaters. I can only guess that the house elf makes him feel secure. Penne is grounding him to reality. This is a great sign. He should start coming back to his former self in the next couple of days." Ms. Strout smiled wide and brightly at her. Augusta pinched her nose. She could just see her friends whispering behind her back about her grandson's strange fondness for the creature.

"It is unacceptable for a Longbottom to rely on a house elf in such a way. It's so undignified." She perched her lips together and tightly clasped her bright red handbag at her front. Ms. Stout looked up at her in surprise as a frown replaced her previous excitement.

"He is only a boy… and I'm afraid you have no other choice. If you dismiss it, you could risk him falling even deeper into shock." The healer stated firmly. Augusta puffed up a little. She did not like anyone talking to her with such disregard but then the face of her son filled her mind. She felt her throat thicken as she held back a small sob. Her grandson laid in that white bed. His blonde hair sticking to his face from sweat and tears. Many people said Neville looked so much like his mother but she could never see it. Perhaps it was because she had seen his father grow up because right at that moment he looked so much like her son.

"Very well..." Augusta frowned at her grandson. A deep sadness filled her. She did not understand why her grandson had picked such an odd thing to attach himself to but she knew she had to make sure his mind was not damaged further. Seeing her son on that bed drooling as the light reflected back from his dull eyes had haunted her the last two days. She might not be able to bring her son back but she would be damned before letting that happen to her grandson.

* * *

Bartemius Crouch Senior stared across the table at his wife. They sat in their dining room as the morning sun raised in the east filling the room in a soft light. The walls were covered in frames that were filled with family photos. The photos shone brightly as the sun reflected off their glass panels but in the center of the back wall the glimmer was absent from the largest painting. Canvas stretched out across the wall, their official family portrait hung without light shimmering back. A copy of his family smiled back and waved welcomingly, the picture of a perfect family...

Caitlin, his wife sat at the table enjoying a large cup of tea and a poppy seed muffin that she had prepared earlier that morning. Her wispy hair flowed over her shoulders reminding him of spun gold. Crouch had been married to his wife for over twenty years and even in this amount of time she still remained as ignorant of the finer details of his job as she did before they exchanged vows. This was how he had always wanted it. His work was stressful and at times horrifying. The amount of weight that was on his shoulder simply could not be bared by common men. He knew he was doing his wife a kindness by keeping her from the horrors of his work.

Caitlin had always been very fair and fragile. Maybe it was her appearance or maybe it was the innocence in her eyes that caused him to keep many aspects of his work from her but he liked it that way. She never questioned him about the finer details of his days, even when his name appeared in the news. It allowed him to forget his work at home and he did not have to worry about her. It had worked wonderfully the past two decades but at this moment he wished that she was not so pure. He stared at her sky-blue eyes and frowned in worry. He knew that he had no choice but to tell her the news he had learned last night but he was at a loss of words of how to tell her. He stared down at the table in deep thought. His eyes connected with the blue and white china in confusion.

"When did we get a new plate set?" He asked. Caitlin looked up at him and he saw a flash of brief disappointment before she hid it with a downcast smile.

"I bought this set last year. Our old one was worn out." Caitlin replied politely but he could tell she was troubled. Crouch felt himself cough uncomfortably. Even as guilt filled his belly he still smiled at his wife. Moments like these were the reason he had married her. She knew how to be a dutiful wife. He would have never accepted anything less. He could not risk attaching himself to any woman who may have destroyed his image. His ambitions were too great for any weakness. The thoughts of the night before burned in his eyes. Now thanks to his disgraceful son, all of their sacrifices were for nothing. Rolling waves of rage filled him. He knew at that moment his son had not only destroyed himself but had likely destroyed their whole family. He had worked so long to not tarnish his image and he was so close to his lifetime goal. The Minster of Magic could not have any tarnishes on his record and standing before him was a larger smear than he had even dreamed. His mind drifted to his work again.

The last week had dragged on. His department had not stopped a moment to rest since the attack on the Longbottoms. It only took two week before the Death Eaters had been caught. That fact was not surprising seeing that Alastor Moody and Frank's old partner, Emmeline Vance had lead the search team. He had been so happy to enter the holding cell to look down at the scum that they had caught but his happiness had soon fled as his own brown eyes had stared back at him.

_"Hello Daddy",_ rang in his ears since that moment. Crouch had never been slow but at that moment he had to look at the Auror next to him to clarify that he was not seeing things. His heart had broken when the man nodded curtly in return. As a father he had not wanted to accept that his son could have been part of that gruesome attack.

"They caught the Death Eaters responsible for the Longbottom attack." He started. His wife looked back at him, her face looked slightly surprised. He briefly wondered why before he realized that he could not remember the last time they had really spoken to each other. It had to have been at least a week. He had been so busy that he had only come home to sleep and quickly eat. He knew this was more often than not. Caitlin gave him a soft smile and stared straight at him as she encouraged him to continue.

"Well, I'm happy you were able to remove those criminals from the streets. I'm sure the public will feel much safer." She reached out to stroke the top of his hand. He frowned at her. At that moment he wondered how she had not known. She was Barty's mother! It was her job to know these kind of things. The loss of his own life's work filled him with unreasonable rage.

"Did you know?" He questioned her. Caitlin's fingers paused on his still hand, her eyes filled with confusion.

"Did I know what?" She responded.

"They found Bartemius Crouch Jr., Bellatrix, Rabastan and Rodolphus Lestrange guilty of the crime." He deadpanned. He had hoped the bluntness would help her adjust quickly but he instantly realized that he was wrong. He felt his heart fasten as he watched his wife's eyes widen and her whole body flinch as if someone had hit her. She looked away from him as she pulled her hand away from his and brought it to her heart, covering it, as if it could shield her from the truth.

"I'm sorry. I must have heard you wrong." She murmured.

"Our son was part of the attack. Did you know?" He replied. She stood up moving away from him. Away from the truth. _She really had no clue._

"No… no.. There must be a mistake. They must have made a mistake." As she shook her head back and forth.

"He confessed under Veritaserum. The Unforgivables were identified on his wand. Caitlin there is no doubt that he is guilty." Crouch looked up at her. His rage was quiet now and worry started to fill his head. Caitlin's breath had quickened and she looked pale.

"They must have forced him! Oh love, there must be something that you can do." He watched his wife stare at him with wide and hopeful eyes. He knew how much this would hurt her. It had taken three years for her to conceive their son and it had been another ten years before they had stopped trying for another. He knew how precious Barty Jr. was to her. He was her only child.

"He confessed that he did it of his own free will." He continued on. Caitlin's eyes became distant.

"Maybe they blackmailed him or threatened him. You know our son. He couldn't have done this!" She replied.

Crouch thought a moment and came to a sad conclusion. He really knew very little about their child.

"I can get you visitation rights but Caitlin you should use them to say goodbye." He felt his own thoughts and feelings draw inside him. He had to be the strong one. His face became a stone wall.

"No... No… what do you mean goodbye? No you are going to fix this! He is _our_ son." He watched his wife begin to fall apart. He had to make her understand. He stood up and slowly walked towards her. He reached out his arms and pulled her close. He felt a piece of himself break as he whispered back to her.

"I cannot take the side of a Death Eater…" His wife collapsed against him and her expression faded into something hollow. The sound of his wife's sobs filled the room

He glared outward towards their family portrait. His only child smirked back. His gaze darkened as he continued to look at his son. How could his heir that he had had given everything to have destroyed them like this? Even in his own rage a faint sentence floated across his mind. His son glaring back at him.

_You were never here…_

* * *

Harry sat at the overly large rustic table in the kitchen. The smell of rosemary chicken and butter rolls wavered through the air. The table was set flawlessly, even the napkins were creased in perfect pyramid folds. The beginning of Beethoven's _Moonlight Sonata_ played softly through the room. Harry's stomach growled in hunger as he stared down at his full plate that was still untouched. His hands remained clasped tightly together in front of him resting on his lap. At the same time his tongue pressed steadily against his teeth.

His sister sat next to him. Rose's once stunningly wild hair was now bound by a tightly woven French braid. Ms. Meredith's long fingers had tugged at his sister's hair so firmly as she had styled it that Rose had whimpered throughout the whole experience. Harry glanced back at the nanny as he noticed his sister reaching for her half-filled cup of milk, a frown already forming on his childlike face.

"Dear, did you ask for permission to have a sip of your drink? We don't want you to drink all of your milk before your plate is cleared." Ms. Meredith sat tall. The traditional thick red curtains that covered the windows behind her gave the nanny's body a soft rubicund glow.

Rose withdrew her hand from the cup with doleful eyes, before her trembling hand once again picked up her spoon. Harry turned back at the Nanny watching her with a glowering expression. It had only been two weeks and Harry already grew angry at just the thought of her. Rose had missed multiple meals the last two weeks due to Ms. Meredith's strict etiquette. The only reason that he was not boiling in rage at that moment was because he had a plan. All he had to do was wait on Mara.

His sister had complained about being hungry the last week and even though he had tried to comfort her, he had failed. Even the time he had brought her peppermint leaves from the garden had not brightened her mood. He knew that the herb did nothing to fill her stomach but he had thought the taste would have at least caused a smile. Rose was not starving by any means but the denial of food had only caused his sister's depression and attachment issues to worsen.

Nights had become a nightmare. The hours before bedtime Rose clung to his side only to inevitability result every night with the nanny ripping her away from him. The last week he had watched helplessly as the Nanny began to break his baby sister. He could see her slowly giving up and withdrawing. Rose, his once fiery little sister amounted to a meek drenched kitten. Harry's still clasped hands tighten further as his fingernails dug deeply into the tops of his hands cutting into his pale flesh.

His eyes glanced away from the nanny as their gray cat gracefully walked into the kitchen. He felt the edge of his lips curve upwards into a smile. He pressed his foot firmly against the small round marble on the floor. His eyes stared intensely at the family heirloom in the corner of the kitchen's double doors. It was a Greek vase that had been passed down in the Potter Family for centuries. His father was very fond of the Greek pottery that portrayed the mythical Hercules slaying a Hydra. Harry watched the magical vase move through its charmed battle. He never really liked the yellow and black piece of art. He happily kicked the small ball with as much force as he could without causing attention to be drawn to him. The marble hit the vase with a loud thwack. Mara quickly chased after the ball. He had a fleeting thought of regret for using the cat as a scapegoat before his thoughts returned to the matter at hand.

Harry smiled triumphantly as the nanny looked away from them towards the cat to chastise it. He quickly grabbed the butter roll from his plate smashing it down with his grip and quickly placed it into the lower inner pocket of his robe. _Rose can eat this later._

He looked back at the vase to see it unharmed. Disappointment filled his face. _I wish it had broken._ _Dad must have placed a ward over it. _His father had not been home very often since the Nanny's arrival. Harry knew his father was preoccupied trying to catch the Death Eater's that had hurt his family and Neville's parents. Still over the pass two weeks he had tried to tell his father about Ms. Meredith's less than nurturing nature but every time his father was home, she stalked over to them. Blocking them, redirecting them, making sure they said nothing. Her constant supervision had caused him to get creative. He had planned on blaming the nanny when the vase broke but it looked like he would have to find another way to get rid of her. At least he had snuck the roll. He heard Rose stifle a sob as the nanny kicked the cat.

His brief smile stopped as he realized his quick action drew Rose's attention to Mara causing her to drop the peas from her spoon into her lap. Ms. Meredith had already started back towards the table and had seen it. The nanny tisked her tongue at his clearly upset sister.

"Rose ladies eat their food, they do not wear it! Until you can learn to use your silverware properly, you may be excused." Harry watched silently as his sister's cheeks began to wet with tears. Rose looked back at Mara once more before staring back at her plate longingly. Rose's eyes met Ms. Meredith's.

"Please, Rose can do it." She said as her bottom lip began drawing out into a natural pout.

"I'm afraid not. You may wait in your room until your brother is done." Ms. Meredith returned. Rose's eyes continued to water as she started to cry silently. Rose carefully slid off her chair, careful not to touch the table and then turned around using her own body weight to push the chair away from the table so she could leave, before rushing for the stairs.

"Young lady, don't forget to push your chair in." Rose's small frame froze and she slowly made her way back to push her chair in.

Harry stared back at the Nanny as he heard his little sister retreat up the stairs.

"I'm not hungry." He stated, staring at her unblinkingly.

"I'm afraid you must clear your plate before you may be excused." She replied as she used her knife and fork to cut the rosemary chicken just a little too forcefully.

Harry's frustration built as his hands ran through his messy black hair. Ms. Meredith's eyes narrowed at his action.

"It's not good hygiene to touch your face or hair while eating. Please go wash your hands." Ms. Meredith openly glared at him for yet again interrupting her dinner.

Harry observed Ms. Meredith's own chapped hands that were caused from her own excessive washing. He stood up with one hand still bracing the table in front of him purposely waiting for her next rule to spew from her mouth.

"Only uncivilized people use the table to stand. You must learn to stand with only your own strength." She drawled out.

Harry's emerald eyes cut through her as he glared at her in return. A snarl marked his face as he used his other hand that was not supporting him to grab his plate and dropped it on the ground in front of him. His chicken and peas spilled across the floor. Ms. Meredith's sharp featured face contorted into a look of barely controlled fury. Harry smiled in return. His instincts were telling him there was danger but he had never been one to listen to reason.

"Oops, looks like I must go to my room. _Please_ excuse me." Harry started to turn around.

"Oh child, you are in a worse state than I thought. It's okay though. I'll teach you to be a proper gentleman before long." She stood up and made her way around the table towards him. His heart began to pound as she drew closer but he stood his ground not allowing her to see his fear. _She will not break me!_ Both of her chapped hands clamped down on his shoulders.

"Apologize and clean up your mess." Her voice was as cold as steel.

Her nails began to dig into his skin. He felt the monster in his head began to stir. Red eyes gleamed out of the darkness. _There isss alwayss the knife…_ it whispered. He unwilling found himself glancing at the knife before clearing his head. _Shut up! _He responded. He was brought out of his internal battle as Ms. Meredith shook his shoulder a little trying to prompt a response from him. He already knew his answer.

"No!" Harry stared right into her eyes challenging her to try and make him.

"Very well, I think some time alone to think about what you did will help you remember your manners tomorrow." Her hands moved firmly down his shoulder to the tops of his arms and begin to pull him towards the stairs. He dragged alongside her assuming that she was going to lock him in his room again but as they reached the stairs she moved towards the cupboard. _What is she doing?_

He pulled against her but his four year old body could not stand up against to her strength as she dragged him towards the cupboard's entrance. He watched her cast a silencing spell on the storage space before opening its door. Fear started to settle into his stomach as she pushed him into the small dark space. He felt his body land on the cold hardwood floors. His large wide eyes stared up at her in amazement. _She wouldn't do this!_

"You will learn to listen in time," was all she said before she shut the door in his face and spelled it shut.

Silence surrounded him except for his own heavy breathing. He felt his hands start to run through his hair in a failed attempt to calm himself, only moments later he started to pull it lightly. Hoping the pain could ground him. The urge to pound on the walls caused him to huddle further away from the door until his back hit a corner. _No one will hear it anyways. _He thought miserably.

A chill went down his spine as he heard the monster in his head begin to taunt him. He found himself hitting his own head, trying to quiet it. _Just go away! Leave me alone! _

_Sssuch an sstupid child…_The once weak and serpent-like voice of the monster had changed into something stronger, more human and it coated his mind like honey as it whispered to him in the darkness.

_I would have grabbed the knife…._And for the first time he could not find a reason to disagree.

* * *

**Author's note:**

Yes, believe it or not that deadly plant was in the greenhouse at Hogwarts, but I guess no one should really be that surprised. They had a hundred other deadly things on campus. Oh you have to love Hogwarts and all of its deadly entertainments. Also I would like to note that Minerva's husband really did die like that. I loved how I'm bringing all of this lore together so well.

"_It was a relief to get out into the greenhouses; they were dealing with more dangerous plants than ever in Herbology but at least they were still allowed to swear loudly if the Venomous Tentacula seized them unexpectedly from behind._"

—Harry Potter's opinion on Sixth year Herbology lessons

**And as always any**** comments/reviews are very much appreciated!**


	6. Chapter 6

**My Dark Passenger**

Warnings: Slash, torture, minor child abuse and murder. This story was inspired by the TV show: Dexter.

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**Chapter Six:** Published date: 9/10/14

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It was Christmas Eve morning when James finally took leave from his work. The last twelve hour shift had been long. He entered his home trying to not let his tiredness show but as he walked through the front door, he could not help but notice the absence of his wife's presence. Lily had not left his mind for long periods of time and as the holidays grew closer her presence in his head had only grown. He frowned in the entranceway. She had always greeted him, when he came home from work. The memory of her smile ran through his head before he pushed it back.

He headed for the kitchen hoping to make a cup of tea. Ms. Meredith sat at the rustic table reading a book. He looked around the pristine kitchen. His home had never been this clean before. James had no idea how Ms. Meredith did it. Even his wife had had a hard time juggling the housework and the children._ It's just because it's her profession. _He thought.

"Where are Rose and Harry?" James asked as he walked over to the tea kettle. Ms. Meredith placed a bookmark between her novel's pages making sure not to crease the pages.

"Harry is working in the garden. I do have to say your son has quite the green thumb." She replied. James's mind flashed to the memory of his wife and son in the garden picking herbs that Lily used in her homemade tea. Ms. Meredith continued on.

"Rose is with him. He has an odd amount of patience for a sibling." She replied. As James heard this a sigh of relief left his lungs as he ruffled his famous Potter hair with his hand. He had been worried about Harry ever since he had destroyed Rose's stuffed animal. Sirius's words haunted him through the days.

_"__Prongs, he ripped her dog's head clean off. I think the attack may have damaged him more than everyone thought..."_

James's face relaxed. _He was just in shock. He's okay. He was just coping with Lily's death, kind of like how Neville refused to talk the first week_. James knew he had to use the next couple of days to reconnect with his children. He had been suffering from shock too. He turned back to the nanny.

"He must have picked it up from Lily. He is probably the only reason the garden hasn't started wilting." James had noticed that his son lately was out in the yard more often than not. He walked towards the window as the water started to boil, and quickly spotted his children. He smiled as he watched his son chase Rose throughout the snow covered yard. Their similar bright green eyes were twinkling with innocence. Warmth filled his chest as he smiled at his children. They were all he had left. He turned back towards the nanny.

"Since it's the holidays and all, I think I can handle the kids. You're welcome to take the next week off." The Nanny's eyes darted away from him as she started to frown deeply. His brows knitted in confusion as he watched. _What did I say wrong?_ Ms. Meredith looked back up at him with an uneasy expression.

"That's not necessary Mr. Potter. I would be more than happy to help over the holidays." Ms. Meredith's smoothed the front of her robes with her hands. James blinked back in puzzlement before a rush of clarity came to him.

"Oh, if this is about money don't worry, I can afford to provide you holiday pay." He responded but she still did not seem happy. Ms. Meredith looked away for a moment and out the window towards his children, deep in thought, before she seemed to find what she was looking for.

"Sir, I have no living family. If it's not too much to ask, I would prefer to stay here over the holidays. Your children are the closest thing to family I have." She replied. Her face turned away so he could not see her expression. His heart clenched in sympathy and he nodded his head immediately. He understood her pain. Her loneliness.

"Of course. You're more than welcome to stay." He inhaled a deep breath and blew out slowly as he thought on how to continue. "However, tonight I have plans to attend the Longbottom's Christmas party. I would prefer to go with the children alone. It's a small gathering of friends." He watched as she seemed to contemplate his words.

"I understand. Let me at least get them ready for you. You have been working so long this week. You should relax." Ms. Meredith flashed him a quick smiled before turning around and heading towards the front door before he could object. He watched her exit quickly and wondered a moment if he had missed something. His Auror instincts blared in the back of him mind, that something was not right. He shook the thought away. _It's just because it's so hard to see someone who is not my Lily taking care of them. At least I found someone who thinks of our children as family. _He thought.

He went back to the kettle and poured the hot water over the store bought teabag. He spent the next couple of minutes making himself a sandwich before he took a sip from the tea cup but immediately regretted it, as the tea tasted bland and sour on his tongue. It was nothing like his wife's fresh herbal blend. "I miss you so much." He whispered softly through the room before he headed up the stairs to change into his dress robes.

His heavy combat boots clunked against the wooden stairs as he dragged his exhausted figure upwards. He felt his shoulders sag and his muscles burn with exhaustion. He passed his daughter's room and entered the largest bedroom in the house. As he entered the master bedroom he noticed how everything looked like it had always been. The crimson blanket spread over their king sized bed, the large throw pillows thrown about, pictures of their complete family smiling from the walls, the random piece of laundry lying about, and the smell of fresh linen filled the room but it wasn't the same… The room felt empty. His wife's side of the bed was still made, Lily's favourite book was still in the same place it had been two months ago, and her pearl necklace was draped over the large mirror that was above the dresser_. Lily…_

He slammed the door behind him as wave of anguish rolled over him. He hated returning home since the death of his wife. Her absence was everywhere and yet he could not accept that she was really gone. He could not bring himself to pack up her belongings. Lily's possessions were everywhere and yet she was absent, her voice silent, her presence fading over time. He felt his heart throb in pain. He slowly made his way across the room and sat down on the bed as he slowly laid on his side. He stared across the room were a family photo from last Christmas hung. Lily's pale heart-shaped face stared back; waving towards him as her eyes danced with joy.

_In this moment, my every sensation is aware and on alert, yet I know and am aware of nothing with certainty; how can you really be gone?_ He thought as his palms pressed against his forehead, fingers splaying across his face as he laid back deeper into the bed. His wife had not even reached her twenty-fifth birthday. Her gift still laid untouched in their closet, wrapped tightly in red paper, the item still shining with a fiery gleam even in the darkness. James had been so excited when he had found a Firecrab Cauldron, his wife had always wanted one for her work. Even though Lily's birthday had not been until January, he had bought it the moment he had found it. He knew she would have loved it. He glanced at his wife's side of the bed through his hand covered face. Grief rolling in waves across his body. He wife's voice echoed through his head.

_"__James, come to bed." Her beautiful green eyes glowing back at him as her auburn hair rolled over her flawless shoulders. _

His hands slowly dropped from his face and reached out to his wife's side of the bed, letting the coolest of the sheets sink into his skin. He knew he had laid there longer than he should have. The Longbottom's Christmas party was soon and he had to get ready and help Ms. Meredith with the children.

He forced himself up and headed towards the closet. He knew that he was only supposed to grab his dress robe and shut the door but as he stood in their walk-in closet he could not stop himself from staring at Lily's side of the wardrobe. He found his feet moving near her clothes without thought. He reached out and pulled her autumn coat into his face. He inhaled her scent but as he inhaled the smell which he knew had been fading over the past two months, he knew now it was now completely gone.

He gasped out in surprise, as his body began to shake. James head began to ache as the blood rushed into his mind. "No… no... NO!" He shouted as denial and anger consumed him. He yanked the coat from the closet hanger and threw the garment onto the ground. His rage faded quickly as his feet felt uprooted from the earth as he collapsed on to the floor.

_Why… Why did she have to die? I don't want to be alone. _Hot tears stung his face and soaked his clothes as he felt emptiness sink deep within his body, piercing his muscles, bones and soul.

"How will I ever survive your death?" He whispered as the pain, grief and fear clutched at his heart.

* * *

Harry ran through the snow covered land chasing his almost three year old sister as she giggled in delight. Rose rushed across the garden dancing around the red heather that popped up from the snow, its color complimenting her auburn hair. Her heavy winter coat went past her knees and spun around her like a dress as she turned around quickly to face him. He watched her loose her balance and crash downward, hitting her bottom on the frosty ground. Harry eyes widened with panic.

"Are you okay Rosie?" Harry called out as he rushed towards his little sister and then knelt beside her with concern. Rose smiled back as her fair complexion glowed with hints of pink on her chubby cheeks.

"Silly Rose!" She said. Harry sighed in relief. Rose's green eyes brighten with laughter. In moments like these Rose reminded him so much of their mother. Since his mother's murder he had found himself more protective of her. _Death is not allowed to take her. She is mine!_ He thought viciously.

Puzzlement crossed his face as his little sister suddenly stopped laughing and stilled on the ground in front of him. He frowned and looked up to see Ms. Meredith stalking towards them. _What does she want now? _Harry found himself moving in front of Rose, staring the nanny down as she neared. She stopped a few feet from them.

"Mr. Potter" She nodded curtly at him. Silent rage began to fill him, giving him strength to hold his head high and face her.

"What do you want, _Ma'am_", He drawled out the last word as if it was sour in his mouth. Ms. Meredith's lips curled with icy contempt in return.

"It's time to come inside. There is a Christmas party tonight and I am to prepare you for the party so you may leave with your father." She started firmly. Harry stared up at her as his head tilted back, lips parted slightly.

"Are you coming?" Harry questioned as he cocked his head to the side, with a smirk starting to curl at the corner of his mouth. His lips formed into a full smirk as Ms. Meredith's eyes narrowed to crinkled slits.

"I have my own plans. There is a bakery in Hogsmeade I have always wanted to try. There is no reason for me to tag along to a family gathering." She waved her hand in front of her attempting to dismiss the conversation.

"I'm going to tell him." He stated as he tried to stand tall.

"Mr. Potter, do you know why your father hired me?" Ms. Meredith's broad smile caused his stomach to turn uneasily. She took his silence as a sign to continue. "He told me what you did to Rose's dog…" His little sister shifted slightly away from him before the nanny continued. "He thinks you're a monster and monstrous children must be punished. That's the only way they get better. He does not care about my methods as long as I fix you. That's what your father hired me for. So please do tell him that I'm doing my job." A gleam of deviltry glazed her eyes as she looked down at him.

"You're lying." He whispered as his heart began to pound. He rubbed his forehead with his palm and up into his hair as his very own monster began to cackle madly in his mind. Ms. Meredith knelt down and pulled his hand from his hair and begin to fix the messy nest on top of his head.

"You know it's true... Did you really think he did not notice anything? This is your life now. It's best you accept it. I'm only here to help you." As Harry leveled his eyes on hers, doubt started to fill his mind. _But I'm not the monster… _Harry thought before a foreign feeling of amusement filled him as the serpent like monster spoke clearly throughout his head.

_"__Ssstupid child, I am a part of you. Every monssster has their own dark passssenger."_ It cackled loudly as Harry's own emerald eyes widened in shock.

Ms. Meredith returned his reaction with a slight close-lipped smile.

* * *

**Author's Note: **I know the chapter was shorter than usual but the next chapter will be longer. It just happened to be this way. Thank you ValwithV for all of your help and great conversations. I really do appreciate it.

**Any comments/reviews are very much appreciated!**


	7. Chapter 7

**My Dark Passenger**

_Warning: Murder, torture, blood, gore, minor child abuse, and intense violence. Mentions of slash starting in Harry's fourth year of Hogwarts. (Around chapter 30)_This story was inspired by the TV show: Dexter.

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**Chapter Seven:** Published date: 9/17/14

* * *

Harry slowly moved back to the house, lagging somewhat behind Ms. Meredith who strode in front of him. A frown was placed firmly on his face, as he watched her pull his little sister's hand roughly towards their home. The nanny had told him weeks ago that it was inappropriate to hold a child once they could walk but it seemed dragging a child was completely appropriate. _Something is off about this whole situation._ Once they entered the foyer Ms. Meredith sent him upstairs to wash his face and change. He glanced briefly at his sister before grudgingly starting towards the stairs.

_Even if Dad wanted to fix me, Rose is innocent and Dad knows that._ He entered the bathroom and washed his face before went to his room. He tried to keep his eyes off the rabbit covered walls that were charmed to hop if someone looked at them. The small creatures had once given him comfort, especially at night as they would glow and cause streaks of silver to splash across the wallpaper, but his dark passenger had ruined this childhood joy. Harry's heartbeat skipped as he accidentally glanced at one and watched the rabbit begin to hop happily along the walls before a dark shadow stretched across his mind like a black cat that had just awoken from a slumber.

Images of grey walls blurred his vision as he braced himself against the wall. His bedroom faded away as a grim and gloomy room filled his mind. The grey colored walls were cracked and the paint was peeling from the rotten wood. Harry jerked in surprise as child-like laughter rang across the chilly room. There was something sinister about the way this child laughed. A dark silhouette of a child stood still looking up at something hanging from the rafters above their heads. The obscure scene flashed into the light as the creaking of a door sounded, letting in the sun's rays. A beautiful white rabbit hung stiffly from a rope that was wrapped around its fragile and now broken neck. Harry turned away from the unfortunate dead creature towards the door, only to see a lump of a boy with a wide-eyed face. That's when the sound of a silvery voice flowed through the room.

"Hello Billy. I have been waiting for you." The child purred. Harry could only watch asthe child who he now assumed was Billy, began to shake in fear. The silvery voice spoke again.

"Touch my things again, and next time it will be you hanging from the ceiling." The vision faded as the voice disappeared into the darkness of his mind but his dark passenger continued on.

_"That is how you deal with people who hurt your thingsss. I could help you! It would be sssooo easssy to hang her from the rafterssss. We both know ssshe dessserves to ssssuffer!"_ A wolfish smile flashed across his vision. All he could make out were glowing red eyes and a fang filled grin. Harry could not stop himself from shivering in horror. Harry knew it could tell he wanted to hurt the Nanny and he agreed that something should be done but he would do it his own way.

"I don't need your help." He spoke aloud as he opened the closet door. _"You will…"_ It whispered back.

Harry pulled out a black dress robe with crimson lining and began to dress himself. Once he was done, he walked from his room and to the front entrance of his home, deep in thought. He wondered what his mother would do about the Nanny.

He paused in the front entrance looking at his sister who sat silently on the bench by the front door, her bright green eyes downcast in fear. Ms. Meredith stood tall over her as the nanny brushed Rose's hair. _Mother would have done something._ Harry thought.

Ms. Meredith paused observing Rose's hair before turning and focusing her gaze on him.

"You will need a coat Mr. Potter." She spoke. Harry watched the nanny summon his coat from the hall closet and head towards him. Ms. Meredith pulled the large winter coat over his head with rough hands.

Harry heard footsteps even though he could not see everything and turned towards the stairs when the coat was placed onto his body. His father was standing on the stairs, looking directly at Ms. Meredith. A frown was set on his freshly shaved face as Ms. Meredith continued to jerk Harry's whole body every time she fasten a new button. She was completely unaware of his father's gaze. James frown started a spark of fire in Harry's heart. Harry's mouth formed as wide and toothy grin before he looked back at the nanny. She had noticed his father now and her face was wiped of any expression; completely void of any emotion.

Harry felt frustration fill him as he felt his dark passenger stir again in his mind. _This worm thinksss sshe isss a sssnake. You know sssome sssnakess eatss wormsss…_His dark passenger laughed. It's voice thick with dark humor. Harry did not argue as he took the Nanny's moment of surprise to pull out of her grip and run across the entrance and up the stairs towards his father.

He stopped three stairs from his father. "I'm so happy your home dad!" Harry exclaimed. His father grinned in return and rushed down the last steps towards him before lifting him up and into a tight hug.

"I'm happy to be home too!" His father said as he nuzzled the side of Harry's face. Harry laughed and tried to wiggle out of his father's grip. James made it down the rest of the stairs before he let Harry pull away and placed him back on the ground in front of him. Harry looked up at his father.

"Are we really going to Neville's house, just me, you and Rose?" Harry asked unsurely. He almost could not believe that the nanny would be leaving him alone.

"Yep, I just have to activate the portkey. Where's Rose?" He watched his father look around in confusion. Harry pointed to Rose who was sitting silently by the entrance doorway obediently. James walked over to Rose and picked her up and placed her on his hip before grabbing his hand.

Ms. Meredith stood in front of them wishing his father a farewell but her eyes narrowed on him.

"Harry, don't forget your manners while you're out." Harry could not stop his body from tensing at her words, his grip tightening on James hand. His father squeezed him back gently.

"Ms. Meredith when I return, I will need to talk to you." James replied. Harry watched as Ms. Meredith's face showed no worry and smiled in return but Harry did not miss her twisting her ring in worry. Harry smirked at her reaction.

"Mistletoe" James stated as the portkey activated. Harry felt his navel tug and watched the world spin around him. He would have crashed to the ground if his father had not held onto him tightly.

They landed on the front lawn of the Longbottom's estate. Harry felt a thrill of excitement flutter in his stomach like butterflies. He quickly pulled at his father's hand forcing James to look down at him.

"Yes, Harry?" James asked as he bounced Rose, who had been startled by the portkey jump, on his hip_. He might want her to fix me but he can't agree with her hurting Rosie._

"I don't like Ms. Meredith! Can you get another one?" Harry looked down startled by his outburst. Harry licked in lips in nervousness.

"Why don't you like her?" His father's eyebrows drew together in concern.

"She makes Rose cry." Harry stared up at his father trying to let the truth reflect in his eyes. James immediately let go of his hand and softly caressed Rose's red curls.

"What do you mean she makes Rose cry?" James demanded.

Harry opened his mouth to reply but before he could utter a single word his Godfather appeared looking very concerned. He was yelling at them from across the yard. Sirius rushed towards them with long-legged strides and stopped in front of them slightly out of breath. He paused a moment before he continued.

"Prongs, Moony is here!" Sirius's voice was thick with emotion. That was all Sirius said before Harry watched his father's face fill with guilt and anxiety. Harry was not sure what was going on but he knew the last time he had seen his Uncle Moony had been at his mother's funeral. He had tried to ask his father about Uncle Moony before but his father had always looked sad and than would attempt to change the subject. Much like when Harry mentioned his mother. James pulled Harry towards the manor. His father and Sirius whispered back and forth. Harry silently fumed beside them. He could only hear bits and pieces but he could make out a few words.

"He finished the treaty…. I betrayed his trust…. will never forgive us.."

They reached the foyer of the manor before his father turned to him. Harry attempted to get his father's attention again.

"Dad, can…" But his father cut him off.

"Harry, can you go find Neville? I'm sure he would like to see you after all this time. I _need_ to go talk to Uncle Moony. It's important." Harry could see honesty reflecting back from his father's hazel eyes. _How is that more important than Rose crying? _The nanny's words echoed through is mind. _"He knows."_

"But.." Harry started before James interrupted him again.

"Harry, we can talk about this later. Okay? I have to have an adult talk with Uncle Moony right now. I will come to find you later." James spoke hastily. Harry's eyes flashed with fury in return.

Harry gritted his teeth as he watched his father walk away from him still carrying Rose on his hip. Harry dragged behind his father until they came to a ballroom. Harry paused under the door-frame in interest. There were a lot more people here than last year. It seemed Neville's Grandmother had invited almost everyone from The Order and their families. He looked around the ballroom, it was probably larger than his own home. The floors were marble stone and the slabs of stones connected together making a geometric pattern across the dance floor. The ceiling arches were supported by large pillars that stood tall on the sides of the dance floor. The windows were majestic and let in a large amount of light causing the gold, and silver painted walls to gleam brightly. It was an impressive room but Harry was only side tracked from his main focus for a moment.

He spotted his friend finally. Harry had wondered about Neville for the last month. He had not seen Neville since the attack on Neville's parents. The attack that, he had heard from a whispering adult, had left Aunt Alice's and Uncle Frank's minds destroyed. He strode across the ballroom, quickly dodging the dancing couples. He could hear them talking softly, stealing glances in his direction. They were whispering about his mother… He quickened his pace towards his friend and tried to dismiss the gossiping adults.

A small figure was cowering in a corner across the dance floor near another exit. He watched Neville fidget back and forth near the back entrance that he knew would lead Neville to a hallway that would take the boy to his bedroom. What had caught Harry's interest though, was that Neville seemed to be talking to himself. When he had heard that Neville had stopped talking for an entire week, he had wondered. _Did the attack change him too? Can he hear the voice? _

He found himself stomping the last few steps in frustration at the end of the ballroom. Neville stood next to a long table that was stacked full of food, the boy's arms crossed tightly at his chest. When Harry was only feet away he realized that Neville was not talking to himself but a house elf that was hiding beneath the tablecloth.

Harry closed the last of the distance between them and placed his hand on Neville's shoulder.

"Hello." Harry greeted him with a soft whisper. Despite Harry's attempt not to startle his friend, when he pressed down on Neville shoulder, he felt him jump and withdraw from his touch. Neville's breath immediately quickened and his hazel eyes darted back and forth around the room until his gaze made it back to him. Harry frowned with worry.

"Are you okay?" Harry's head cocked slightly to the side in concerned interest. Neville chewed on his lower lip.

"They will not stop staring at me. I don't want to be here but my Grandmother will not let me go to my room." Neville replied as he began to rub his upper arms. Harry nodded in understanding.

"It's not just your Grandmother… All adults are stupid." Harry's green eyes flashed back to the whispering adults that glanced away as his eyes connected with theirs. Neville fidgeted in front of him in discomfort.

"Is your Dad mean too?" Neville hesitantly asked as he glanced across the ballroom towards Harry's father. Neville continued. "He always seemed so nice." Harry shook his head no in return.

"My Dad's not mean but he is just as blind as your Grandmother." Harry told him. Harry paused and glared in Augusta's direction. "You can't trust adults. You can only trust yourself." Harry finished. His dark passenger humming in approval. Harry could not make up his mind if that was a bad thing or not. Neville seems to relax a bit but was staring up at him with a weird look on his face_. _Harry did not know what to think as he watched Neville's once almost haunted face change into a hopeful smile. Harry suddenly felt uneasy. Neville stepped forward.

"How do you handle it? You saw your mother get tortured too. How do you not go crazy?" Neville questioned. Harry looked away a moment in thought_. How did he not go crazy?_ His dark passenger seemed to find this thought funny. Harry looked back at Neville.

"I plan to fix it. There has to be a way to bring my Mum back. We are wizards. I bet you could fix your parents too." Harry stared down at Neville judging his reaction. Neville grim filled face began to brighten.

"Can this really be fixed? Can we really make up for what happened?" Neville hazel eyeswere wide and strengthened with hope. The intensity of Neville's gazed had Harry feeling a little uncomfortable but he carried on.

"We have too. Otherwise we lose everything. I'm never going to be weak again." Harry whispered so softly that he knew his friend almost did not hear him. Neville reached out and grabbed at his hand softly.

"I have felt so weak since it happened. I see them everywhere and hear their screams echoing throughout the halls. Adults might be stupid but we can trust each other. I can tell you understand." Neville said shyly. Harry was startled by Neville's response but quickly recovered. Harry had thought he would forever be alone. He squeezed Neville's hand back as happiness started to fill him. _I'm not alone anymore._ Harry thought. His dark passenger scoffed in disgust. Harry ignored it and looked confidently back at the boy in front of him.

"I still see her blood... We can face this together. It might take years but we will bring our parents back." Harry said as he edged closer to his friend protectively as Neville unexpectedly pulled him into a tight hug.

"Thank you…" Neville whispered and he began to cry in relief, his head resting on Harry's shoulder.

Harry patted his friend's back softly as a possessive gleam entered his emerald eyes.

* * *

On the day of Lily's murder, Remus had been in northern England, in the small city called Middlesbrough. There was a small werewolf pack in the city that had just recently lost their leader. Even though the pack had always been supportive of Greyback in the past, an interesting rumor had sprung up about the death of their old Alpha.

He had sat in the back room of a muggle mechanic shop that was on the outskirts of the city, as the new leader of the Northern pack towered over him. He knew that the man who stood in from of him had killed the past Alpha. For this reason Dumbledore had rushed him here in hopes of persuading the new leader to their side. Still Remus found it uncomfortable to sit passively in front of him. He had been encouraged by his father Lyall Lupin, to shun his own kind and because of this he had very little experience with other werewolves. He had done minor work with other packs that were under Greyback's influence but he never enjoyed his work as a diplomat for Dumbledore.

Remus stared at the man he knew was named Conan Ulfric and as Ulfric paced in front of Remus, he wiped the oil off a muggle tool with an old rag. The man was staring crossly across the room at him. Ulfric was in his late thirties and unlike Remus, who had many self-inflicted scars from his transformations, this man had very few visible scars and his skin glowed with a healthy golden-brown tint.

Remus stiffened as the man in front of him let out a soft growl, warning him. Remus forced himself to relax and bare his neck in submission to the towering man. Remus could almost hear his father screaming at him. _You're not a beast!_ Ulfric bared his teeth briefly in acceptance. The man's canines seemed longer in the light as Remus observed him.

Conan Ulfric's had a square face with the start of a five o'clock shadow that was already darkening his lower face. The man's light brown hair was coated with grease and sweat; his skin was coarse, toughed up from constant sun exposure. Where most of this man's appearance seemed rough and unruly, the man's eyes were bright and clear; full of suspension and intelligence. Ulfric stopped cleaning his wrench and moved closer towards him.

"Are you one of Fenrir's men?" Ulfric spoke, his gravelly voice filled the room, deep and rough. Remus shook his head no.

"I have heard whispers that you wish to remain neutral in this war and my organization would like to help with this." Remus dared not look at him in case the Alpha took it as a threat.

"What makes you think we want to remain neutral?" The man's voice almost ending with a growl like vibration.

"I have heard rumors that you killed the last leader because he was going to hand over your son over to Fenrir Greyback." Remus stated. Remus could feel the Alpha's burning gaze.

"Some rumors are deadly…" Ulfric warned.

"We can provide a dose of Wolfsbane each month and backup in case Voldemort decides to attack your pack." Remus watched from the corner of his eye at the man's reaction. Ulfric's face had been wiped of any emotion and heseemed deep in thought. Remus knew that the offer would be unexpected. Wolfsbane had only been invented six years ago and due to the regulations on some of the darker ingredients; like the plant it was named after, it was almost impossible to find or afford.

"What is the name of this Organization? Why does it care about werewolf politics?" Ulfric eyebrows lowered, squinting his eyes with distrust.

"My organization is called "The Order of the Phoenix" and we are interested because by supporting Fenrir Greyback you are indirectly supporting Voldemort, who we are fighting against." Remus answered. Ulfric stayed silent for a minute before answering.

"Do you have this potion on you?" Ulfric finally said. Remus nodded and Alpha continued.

"Let me see it then. I will not waste my time with empty promises." Ulfric held his callous covered hand out towards him. Remus reached slowly into his robes and un-shrunk the bottle. Ulfric snatched it away from Remus the second Remus placed it in his hand and the man immediately unplugged the top. A faint blue smoke escaped the bottle_'_s opening. He watched Ulfric sniff it cautiously before handing it back to him.

"Drink it!" He stated. Remus frowned.

"It's not the week before the full moon. I don't want to waste a dose." Remus tried to reason. _Does he really think I'm trying to poison him? _Remus thought.

"Drink the potion or I'll force the concoction down your throat boy!" Ulfric rough voice became more like a wolf's growl as the man's eyes flashed gold. Remus put the potion to his lips and downed the disgusting drink. The taste of smoke curled across his tongue. The Alpha's eyes narrowed on him. Remus tried to smile back but it came across only half-heartedly. Ulfric nodded curtly and hummed in thought.

"I had to make sure you were not one of Fenrir's spies. It's so easy to poison a werewolf these days." The man's amber eyes flashed with dark humor. Remus eyes widened with realization at his words. Ulfric continued on.

"I have the third largest pack in England. I will need at least five doses of Wolfsbane to control my pack. Your organization can keep their men to themselves. You may assist us but I have no need for your human pets. Is that a suitable trade?" Ulfric questioned.

"We are all humans." Remus frowned.

"If you truly believe that, then you're lying to yourself boy." Ulfric stated as his head tilted a little to the side. Remus yet again could hear his father yelling at him. _You're not like them! _Remus ignored the Alpha's reply.

"Five doses for the promise of remaining neutral?" Remus asked. The man suddenly crossed the room and grabbed Remus's chin roughly making him stare right into his eyes.

"Betray me boy, and you and the members of your flaming chicken will end up in body bags. Do you understand me?" The alpha threatened as his canines flashed in the bright light.

"Yes... I understand." Remus replied softly.

After the treaty had been signed and the potions had been exchanged, Remus had made his way back to the Order. Chaos had met him that day. In the following hours he had learned that not only was one of his best friends dead and another one was on the run. He had felt his heart crumble as he realized that his friends had lied to him. What had he done to cause them to distrust him enough to keep the switching of the secret keeper from him?

He had sat at Lily's funeral in rage and despair. He could not stop but think about what he could have done that would have caused them to distrust him so badly, that they had trusted Peter over him. Remus had been truly surprised by Peter's deceit but he never thought James and Lily would have given Peter such an important task. Wormtail did not even know Occlumency.

Remus had found himself distant from his friends in the following months and his friends' silence only strengthened the unwanted thought in his head. _They don't trust me because they think I'm a beast._

So in December when the Christmas invitation arrived, he could not stop himself from accepting. He had to know. Had Prongs really pick Peter over him because he was a werewolf? He could only hope he was wrong.

So there he stood nervously by the dance floor, watching his friend come closerwith a beautiful red-headed toddler bouncing on his hip. Prongs looked older even though it had only been two months. He could see the effects of Lily's death clearly on his face. Prongs walked towards him with hunched shoulders and darting eyes. Remus already felt dread creeping in. Prongs paused in front of him.

"It's been a while Moony." James said while attempting a lope-sided grin.

"Yes, it's been forty-seven days to be exact since Lily's funeral." Remus replied softly. Prongs looked up in surprise.

"Has it really been forty-seven days? It doesn't feel like that long." James asked as Rose began to wiggle on his hip trying to get down. Remus looked at the little girl. She was looking at the large train set under the massive Christmas tree. James seemed to realize this too. Prongs turned to him.

"Would you mind walking with me to the tree? I'm afraid Rose might throw a fit if I don't let her see it." Remus nodded yes in return.

The walked towards the Christmas tree and Remus wondered where Prongs Jr was. He briefly looked around the ballroom before spotting him with Frank's son, near a long table. Remus turned back to Prongs.

James walked over to the tree where Molly and all of her children had also gathered. Remus could not stop but smile when he saw Molly's red headed toddler inspect Rose with curiosity. The two red heads would be trouble once they entered Hogwarts. He was sure of it.

"Sorry about that." James returned.

"It's okay. You're an only parent now. That has to be tough." Remus replied. Prong's agreed in silence. Remus attempted to change the subject.

"Have you got any leads on Peter?" Remus's eyes filled with open curiosity. Prong's nodded his head wholeheartedly.

"Actually, yes! Elphistone told Dumbledore that Peter had been following Lucius Malfoys orders right before Elphistone's death." James replied. Remus's own eyes widened with shock.

"Elphinstone's dead?" Remus asked.

"Yes… they found him a couple days ago in the Hogwarts greenhouse. He was bitten by a Venomous Tentacula." James replied.

"A Venomous Tentacula?" Remus asked unbelievably.

"It sounds suspicious right? Dumbledore thinks Malfoy might have been involved with his death." James shared.

"That's awful. How is Minerva holding up?" Remus's heart began to ache with sympathy.

"I'm not sure but I know what it feels like to lose a spouse. I'm sure she is hurting." James finished with only a whisper.

They both fell silent.

"There is so much pain and death. It doesn't feel like the war is over." Remus whispered back.

"As long as there is even one Death Eater out there running around free, the war won't be over." James replied. Remus stood there in the uncomfortable silence before building up the courage to ask what he had come here for.

"Prongs, why didn't you pick me as your secret keeper?" Remus asked as he tried to keep his guarded eyes neutral.

"I don't know." James fumbled nervously

"Why didn't you tell me that you changed it to Peter?"

"Moony, the war makes you not think clearly and we have children. I just wanted to make sure they were safe." James rubbed his palms on his dress robes as he tried to wipe the sweat away. Remus felt his pulse quicken.

"So it was because I'm a werewolf…" Remus whispered. James whole body stiffened at his remark.

"I'm so sorry Moony... I wasn't thinking clearly. You have to understand!" Remus's felt like the walls around him had collapsed. "Please forgive me Moony. I never meant to hurt you!" James finished but Remus could hardly breath. The only three people he had thought accepted him for what he was had turned against him at the first sign of serious trouble. They had judged him purely on his condition.

"You still did." Remus replied curtly as began to feel his eyes burn with unshed tears. Remus began to turn away but James grabbed his shoulder. Remus pulled his body away from James's grip in anger.

"Leave me be James!" Remus felt his voice deepen into something less human sounding, and more wolfish.

He watched his friend jerk back as if he had struck him. Remus was not sure if James's reaction had been from his voice deepening or because he had not called James by his birth name since they had mastered their Animagus forms. All he knew was that he could not stay here. He had to flee. Remus's body shook with unshed tears as he went out into the frigid snow covered landscape, not once looking back fearful that he would find his friends rejecting faces looking back.

* * *

Christmas Morning, Harry sat in a field of sweet grass on the still dew covered forest floors. His hands twirled a piece of Rye wheat in his hand smiling intensely at the abnormally thick black grains. Many people assumed that the black grains were simply blackened by the heat of the sun but he knew better. He knew that the black grain of rye was Ergot Fungus.

_Should I really do this? It's kind of like a prank right? Dad would find it funny._ He quickly remembered how his father had dismissed him when he had asked for help.

_If father will ignore how insane she is, maybe he needs a little help. I might be a monster but Rose isn't!_ Harry thought.

His mother had harvested this fungus with careful handling. She had used it in her potions but he still remembered what his mother had told him the last time he had tried to touch one. She had told him that these small innocent looking grains had long ago caused the spark of the Salem Witch Trials, when two young girls had accidentally eaten fungus infested bread.

Harry smiled down at the Rye wheat and wondered what it would cause Ms. Meredith to do first. He smiled as the vision of her barking at his father like a dog. _Barking mad... _ His eyes lit up in amusement and his fingers pressed into his lips, masking his giggle as he laughed at his secret joke. Maybe she would even hallucinate dirty foot prints covering all of the walls.

_I'm not really hurting her, the plant is. She could have just as easily eaten some bad bread on her Hogsmeade visit... _His dark passenger seemed to share his humor as the foreign feeling of amusement and anticipation filled his belly.

"Merry Christmas, Ms. Meredith." Harry whispered darkly.

*If you can correctly guess what the Fungus will do to Ms. Meredith, I'll mention you in the next chapter and let you ask me any question about the stories future and I'll answer you to the best of my knowledge. ;) I'm excited to see what you all think!

* * *

Author's Note:

I spent an ungodly amount of time thinking about Lupin this last week. I know in the cannon he was known for his forgiving nature but I think it's because of how that timeline played out. In the cannon Lupin never knew that his friends had not trusted him and when he finally found out, he realized that he had done the same thing to Sirius. I think that caused him to forgive them very quickly. But in my timeline, Remus would have just found out that the only friends he thought accepted him, distrusted him because of his werewolf condition.


	8. Chapter 8

**My Dark Passenger**

_Warning: Murder, torture, blood, gore, minor child abuse, and intense violence. Mentions of slash starting in Harry's fourth year of Hogwarts. (Around chapter 30) _This story was inspired by the TV show: Dexter.

* * *

**Chapter Eight: **_Happy Birthday Tom Riddle_ (Published date: 10/08/14)

* * *

James felt a warm wave of air hit his face as he entered his home. He had finally completed the large mound of paperwork from the Auror office and he could not be happier to be away from work. The last couple of hours had been dreadful. With Sirius taking a leave of absence, Rufus Scrimgeour had assigned him to a new partner. James had argued with the Head Auror for days but Rufus had not backed down. James had known there was no use arguing anymore once Rufus stopped mid argument and lowered his wore rimmed spectacles, staring sternly at James with his keen and unnatural looking yellow eyes. A clear "No.", spilling from his lips.

James still was not sure who his new partner would be, he was just hoping Rufus would not settle him with a rookie. Knowing the man, his boss probably would throw someone right out of the academy his way, punishing him for making such a fuss. James sighed as he removed his outer Auror robe and hung it on the hooks by the front door, as he took in the calming scent of his home.

The wind's icy touch from outside was still frosted against his skin as he walked through the foyer, towards the living room. He had recently found the cold to be calming. Ever since Lily's death Sirius had joked that he had become part snowman. Partly due to his refusal to cast a warming spell on himself and partly because a piece of himself had died that night, leaving a colder man behind. He had only shrugged it off, the icy winter helped numb his pain and rage. It was harder to concentrate on his past when his skin was burning from the cold.

He turned around the corner of his home only to see the Nanny still up and awake. She was reading a book with a hot beverage beside her, Lily's books lining the walls behind her. James found himself just standing in the living room staring down at her. Ever since their talk on Christmas day, the relationship between them had changed. She turned to grab the tea cup next to her and continued to sit at the sofa sipping her nighttime brew calmly, her eyes were the image of perfect serenity. If James had not worked as an Auror for the last six years she would have fooled him but unluckily for her, he was no fool. His eyes narrowed in on the slight fidgeting of her index finger tapping on her teacup ever so slightly. He knew she was nervous even though she only showed a personae of perfect clarity and peace.

Her ability to mask her own nervousness would have gave him great comfort a week ago but with Harry's haunting wording echoing in his mind, it only caused more unease to stir in his stomach. James was not naive, he knew everyone lied, everyone had something to hide. However, some secrets were far larger than others. Only about half of the population could lie well with their body language but very few people could lie with their eyes. He watched as Ms. Meredith's eyes gazed back at him with pure innocence and clarity.

"Is there anything I can do for you Mr. Potter?" Her smile big and wide.

The perfect image of what he had wanted, the very reason he had hired her. Just like when he had talked with her on Christmas day about Harry's statement. She had evaded the subject with such flawless tactics and gently belittled his son's claims with timeless grace and humility. It was so perfect that it caused the hairs on his arms to rise. The woman he had trusted to watch his children was hiding something and it worried him to no end. She just sat there with her eyes imaging the exact emotion that she wanted, projecting the perfect lie.

When someone could lie with their eyes, it meant something more disconcerting and often far more dangerous was underneath their gaze. Even the best liars could rarely fake their eyes. They would look away or their eyes would simply glaze over; emptying their eyes of any emotion. It took years to manipulate one's eyes to fake an emotion and the woman in front of him was a master at it.

James rubbed his eyes, trying to clear his tiredness and worry away from them. Unlike the woman in front of him, he could not lie with his eyes. Once New Year's passed he would go to Albus, the man would surely have a recommendation for a better replacement. He could no longer risk that she very well may be hiding something. Ms. Meredith cleared her throat drawing his attention away from his thoughts. She patiently waited in front of him for his answer.

"No, I'm just going to go to bed." James stated before heading up the stairs.

"Have pleasant dreams sir." She returned. Her voice yet again raising the hairs on his arms. _Maybe going to see Dumbledore tomorrow would be better._ James thought as he shook his head.

* * *

Harry sat at the rustic kitchen table as he colored on the white parchment paper that laid in front of him. At the same time footsteps sounded from behind. He looked up from his drawing towards the Nanny as she headed up the stairs to put his little sister to bed. A wide smile spread across Harry's face. He knew, unlike her, that this would be her last night putting Rose to sleep. Harry was so lost in his own excitement that he missed Ms. Meredith smirking back in return, triumph glowing in her eyes.

Harry's grin faltered a moment as Rose's sobbing began before a sudden silence followed. He turned away from the stairs, his eyes filled with a new deep determination. He eyed the counters and quickly scooted off the wooden chair and started pushing it towards the kitchen counter. He knew he only had minutes before she would return. Once he had pushed the chair flush against the cabinets, he climbed up onto the chair and pulled himself up to the counter level and smiled down at Ms. Meredith's pristine white and gold teacup. Harry had been trying to find a way to sneak the Ergot Fungus into Ms. Meredith's food since last week but had found the task to be more difficult than he had first thought. Grinding the grains into flour was impossible without something to grind them with and he could not figure out a method to process the grains into flour. After a week of searching he had finally found the perfect way to get her to consume it.

He reached into his pockets and grab a large handful of the blacken grains and emptied them into her large mesh tea ball infuser, twisting it shut quickly behind him. Thankfully he had remembered how often his mother had used herbs and other natural remedies in her teas. As he stared down at the spiked herbal blend, he pondered if he had used enough grains to cause her to hallucinate. Harry had been unsure about the amount to use but the handful that was now blending with the other herbs, was all that he had found. _It has to be enough… _Harry thought fiercely.

Suddenly a high pitch shrill sounded next to him causing his body to jerk in surprise and he found himself struggling to keep his balance as his heart pounded. Once he regained his hold on the chair, he glared darkly at the tea kettle whistling next to him on the stove only a few feet away. One of his hands pressed firmly over his beating heart. He knew he did not have a lot of time. He rushed climbing down and pushed the chair as quickly as he could towards the table. He could hear footsteps coming down the stairs. He was so close. He had to make it. The chair hit the table with a forceful thump. The nanny turned around the entranceway as he was struggling to sit down. Her eyes narrowed in on him, her sharp featured face contorting in vaguely masked fury.

Harry's heart began to pound as her eyes burned into his, quickly he glanced away from her towards his drawing on the table. He forced his breath to slow and tried to ignore his hammering heart. The brightly colored picture displayed his family smiling back at him. His Mother, Father, Harry and little sister surrounded in a field of golden grains. He smiled down at this art, picking it up and heading towards the woman who was now looking at him suspiciously.

"What were you doing standing up?" She questioned. Her sharp eyes narrowing down at him. Harry only smiled brightly in return, his racing heart now quiet. Warmth flustering exciting in his stomach. His family was about to be free of the vial woman._ Dad won't let a crazy person watch us. _Harry thought.

"I wanted to give you the picture I drew for you." Harry stated smiling as he handed her the brightly colored paper. Ms. Meredith's eyes softened a bit as she looked down at the photo and saw the woman standing next to his father.

"I can see that you are finally accepting your new family. The picture is lovely but next time wait for me to return. I did not excuse you from the table." She stated. Harry frowned in confusion. _My new family… _His mood darkened once he realized that she thought his mother was her. He pressed his tongue against his teeth and replied.

"Yes, Ma'am. May I draw one more picture for my father before I go to bed?" Harry's voice oozing with forced sweetness. The nanny seems to contemplate his request before nodding yes. Harry went back to his chair and pulled out another piece of white paper and began to color. He looked up a moment towards the kitchen window. He wondered if his father would return soon. He had been surprised when his father had left on New Year's Eve. His father had been vague as to where he was going but Harry had heard his father whisper "Hogwarts Headmaster's Office" before he disappeared behind the green flames of the floo network. Harry had wondered what his father was doing at Hogwarts but soon was distracted from his thoughts as he watched the Nanny move across the kitchen towards the stove removing the tea kettle from the stovetop.

Ms. Meredith picked up the black kettle and unknowingly poured the hot water over the fungus infested tea infuser. Harry leaned forward from his chair and watched in anticipation as she added a touch of honey and began to bring the cup to her lips, sipping the hot drink slowly. The nanny paused a moment noticing his gaze and spoke sharply.

"Mister Potter, please finish your drawing quickly. You need to be off to bed in fifteen minutes." She spoke before she began to straighten the kitchen up, leaving the teacup on the counter to seep.

"Yes, Ma'am." Harry obediently replied, not bothering to hide the disappointment filling his voice.

She gave him a curt nod of the head before continuing around the kitchen.

Harry watched her from the corner of his eyes. A few minutes passed before she returned to the teacup and began to sip quickly from it as she sorted the clean dishes into the cabinets above her head. He fidgeted in his seat wondering if it would work at all. He sat in uncomfortable silence as he impatiently waited for something, anything to happen.

Ten minutes passed and nothing happened. Harry knew he had only minutes before she would rush him up the stairs. He crossed his arms in front of his front and frowned down at his artwork. _Why did I have to fail!_? He felt his lips begin to tremble as the thought of his sister having to be tormented by that evil woman another day crossed his mind.

_I don't want to see Rosie cry again._ He thought miserably. His wide emerald green eyes downcast in defeat.

He refused to look up, to lose in his own emotions, when he noticed Ms. Meredith crossing the kitchen floor towards him from his peripheral vision. Harry's eyes narrowed onto her face that had become suddenly slick with sweat. She stood in front of him touching her head softly. Harry's heart began to race. _Is it working?_ He wondered.

"Mr. Potter fifteen minutes have past, it's time to take yourself upstairs." Ms. Meredith said seeming perfectly coherent as she looked down at him.

"Yes, Ma'am." He whispered softly as a frown shaped his face. He began to collect his art materials as Ms. Meredith walked back to the kitchen sink and poured herself a full glass of water.

"I must have been working harder than I thought. I feel so hot." She stated as she drawled the glass to her lips and began to quickly drink it. Harry continued to stare at her but she gave him a quick glare and motioned to the stairs.

Harry felt a wave of disappointment go over him. He had wanted to see her bark like a dog. He slowly got up and made his way towards the stairs. Before he reached the top step he heard the sound of shattering glass. He stopped and strained his ears for any sound but could not make out anything clearly. Harry stood at the top of the stairs, a battle raging within himself. Silently debating if he should risk going down the stairs or play it safe and continue to his room. He finally decided it was worth the risk of getting caught and slowly made his way down the stairs_. I can always tell her I was making sure she was okay._ He smirked. His nerves were on end as he attempted to silently make his way down the staircase. Once he reached the end and stood in the foyer, he could hear the sound of Ms. Meredith whispering to herself.

"Oh dear, I feel so hot. Maybe I should sit down. Why are my hands tingling like this?" She panted.

He could hear her breath quicken as she began to breathe heavily. _Well, she kind of sounds like Padfoot after he runs across the Quidditch field._ Harry thought as his mind filled with curiosity. _Surely the fungus must be working._ Harry wondered what she would see first as he began walking towards the entrance of the kitchen. He stared at the woman who had made his sister and his life a living hell the last two months. The woman was turned away and braced against the kitchen sink for support. Her body shook with tremors and her breath began to become ragged as he stared at her.

He watched as Ms. Meredith attempted to sit down on the floor, only to lose her balance and hit the floor with a solid thwack. Her body laid there on the cold kitchen floor. Harry's jaw clenched shut at the sight of his malevolent caretaker lying motionless on the kitchen tile. Her body jerked and her eyes opened. She seemed in a daze for a moment before she narrowed in on him still standing silently at the entrance. The darkness back dropping over his figure. She reached out her hand towards him. Her eyes pleading with unspoken pain.

"It's so hot… Oh it's so hot. Help me please…" She begged. Her once perfect hair was spilling from her bun and her once extremely controlled limbs now shaking.

Uncertainly began to pool into Harry's stomach. He felt a moment of confliction as he stared down at her. He had not planned on the fungus doing anything but causing some funny illusions, he had not wanted to hurt her. A sudden chill fell across his skin causing goose bumps along his arms. He knew that his dark passenger had awoken and now began to uncoil from his subconscious. Red eyes flashed across his vision before a deep and dark voice snarled. _Don't forget what sshe did to your sisster! _It snapped.

Harry's face grimaced with emotional grief. He watched silently as the woman continued to beg, fresh tears were now rolling down her face. Ms. Meredith's sobs quickly began to turn into painful moans. Her once meticulous movements now gone and were replaced with rigid jerking as her body shook in sharp intense pain. Harry's breath quickened as his eyes widened in horror while Ms. Meredith brought her perfectly filed nails up to her arms and began to claw them into her skin, leaving deep gashes in their wake, causing red rivers of blood to swell up and spill across her pale skin.

"Oh it burns, child please help me! I'm burning! I'm burning alive!" Ms. Meredith began to scream, her voice thick with agonizing pain. Harry backed away as he watched her nails make it up to her own eyes, his arms quickly wrapping around his front hugging himself desperately. Frozen in terror and unable to turn away, he watched her frantically scratch at her own eyes. She pushed through her own eyelids and clear fluids beginning to flow down her hands, diluting the fresh blood that already painted her skin. Harry felt his stomach turn causing him to drop to his knees, vomit burning up his throat and splashing onto the ground in front of him. He shut his eyes tightly while his body began to break out into a sweat.

"This was not supposed to happen! You were only supposed to act stupid! I didn't want to hurt you! I did not mean to…" Harry cried out as his small hands made their way to his face. Covering his still closed eyes, he tried desperately to block the gruesome image from his head. Sobs began to shake his small frame as his dark passenger's ominous laughter echoed around him.

Harry's world swirled around him in a mixture of perfect clarity and blurred terror. His dark passenger's joy colored his own guilt-filled horror. He began to hear her convulse on the ground in front of him, he could not take it anymore! He turned his body away, getting up to run from the room. Fierce anger struck through his small body like hot iron hitting flint.

The dark passenger in his mind began to shriek. _You can't run away! You did this to her! Look at her! Look at what you did! _Harry began to sob; heavy tears poured down his child-like face. His hunched shoulders slowly moved as he forced himself to turn back towards the Nanny but he still could not force himself to open his tightly closed eyes. The dark passenger hissed in anger striking out in his mind like an angered cobra. _Look at her! I told you to look at her! Look at what you did!_ It screamed. Harry's emerald eyes sprung open at its demand. The nanny laid still in front of him, her skin flushed with crimson and black, as if she was burning slowly from the inside out. Her eyeless sockets staring emptily back at him. Beside her laid his drawing that he had only given her moments before now soaked with blood. His family smiling back…

"I didn't mean to! I didn't mean to hurt her!" Harry pleaded as his own tears dribbled across his lips. The young boy stood shaking in front of the screaming woman. Her skin was shredded and red liquid exuded from her eye sockets, yet he still dared not to look away.

_Ssshe was right about you, you know? You are a monster. A noose would have been so much cleaner, quicker… _The dark passenger purred. The words sickeningly sweet and full of approval, praising him for his gruesome deed. Harry shook his head in denial.

"I didn't do it on purpose. I didn't know!" Harry screamed begging it to believe him, to understand him.

_No one will believe you. They will send you to Azkaban. _It taunted. Harry sucked in his breath with surprise, his lips still trembling.

"But I'm not a murderer." Harry felt his mind numbing and his body beginning to weaken, shutting down.

_Your right. You're not a murderer. You're ssso much more than that. More ssspecial. You might be a monssster but you're MY little monssster… _It beamed a fang filled smile. It's powerful presence overwhelming him as it played with the strings of his heart.

"I don't want to go to Azkaban." Harry whimpered.

_I can help you. _It offered. His dark passenger's voice coated his fear like soothing honey, filling him with hope. Harry knew that accepting help from it was a mistake but he saw no other option. The weight of his decision brought him down onto his knees. His fingers laced together in front of him as he stared into the darkness of his own mind. Fluids of another human being once again soaking his knees.

"Please, I'll do anything." Harry begged, his voice filled with desperation.

_Well then, my little monster. You musst listen very carefully. _It grin. His dark passenger had always known he would need its help.

* * *

James had spent the night drinking with Sirius after he had finished his conversation with Albus. James had been relieved when his mentor had recommended the younger sister of Marlene McKinnon. He still remembered how hard his wife had sobbed the night they had found out that Marlene had been murdered by Voldemort. Dumbledore had said that Sarah McKinnon had applied last year for a teaching job at Hogwarts but Dumbledore had turned her away due to her age. However, she was still a budding expert Herbologist who happened to love working with children. The best part was that James had seen the woman, off and on most of his life. She had been three years behind him in Hogwarts. Sarah had always struck him as a kind and patient person.

After Albus's glowing recommendation, the old man had gently "advised", more like ordered, him to only intend the Order's monthly gathering and take a short leave of absences from his missions for "The Order" until he had sorted out his home life. James had left Dumbledore's office frustrated and angry. He did not need a break or a vacation. He needed every vile Death Eater in Azkaban. He wallowed in his own self-pity as he walked down the cobblestone pathway that lead to his home. He came to the thick wooden door and opened the front door to his home.

James pulled his thick outer winter robes off and hung them on the hook by the door. He sat on the doorway bench, removing his boots when the smell hit him. The smell of burning, rotten flesh singed his nostrils forcing unwanted memories of the war to flash across his vision.

His heart rate accelerated quickly as his hands left his shoes and reached towards his wand. He began to look around the room for signs of hostiles. He listened for any sound and noticed that there seemed to be no signs of incoming ordinance. He stood up and slowly made his way forward. His eyes landing on the source of the smell. His nanny, Ms. Meredith laid immobile on the floor of his kitchen. He inhaled a sharp breath before swiftly collecting himself and began to call for backup. James brought the image of his wife's beautiful smile at the forethought of his mind before he firmly yelled, "**_Expecto Patronum"_**. A fully-formed animal sprung from his wand, taking the shape of bright-white, translucent stag.

"Take this message to The Order headquarters. Potential Death Eater attacked on Godric's hollow. Still collecting intel. Please send backup" The luminous stag nodded and galloped through the wall leaving a trail of silver glow behind. He watched the stag disappear before pulling out his standard Auror pocket watch, pushing a button on the side that would alert the Auror department that he was under attack. His watch briefly glowing red as it sent out a signal of his location.

He looked around the room once more before walking cautiously towards the fallen woman. He knelt on the floor next to her body, his eyes narrowing in on her. Her skin was red and the ends of her hands were blacked like charcoal. Her complexion reminded him of the time when Sirius had been burned during a Death Eater raid. Only this burn was dryer, as if the heat was coming from the inside out.

_This has to be dark magic..._ James thought.

James felt the urge to race upstairs to check on his children but he braced himself. He knew better than to rush up the stairs. That was not how to handle a crime scene. He gritted his teeth and forced himself to follow protocol. Standard protocol was designed to reduce the amount of casualties and he trusted his skills as an Auror to keep him calm and collected. Losing control only caused you to end up dead. Looking down at the hollowed out eye sockets of the Nanny, he knew she was likely dead or in deep coma but he had to be certain.

He placed his hand over her lips trying to feel for breath. _Nothing..._ He quickly tilted her head back hoping to clear her oral airway. _Respiration still absent, _he mused as he pressed his fingers against her wrist, checking for a pulse. _No blood flow..._

James grabbed her blacked hand hoping to evaluate her perfusion by pressing his thumb firmly against the nail bed to see if she had any capillary refill time but the second he grabbed her hand, he felt her skin start to slide from her flesh. He quickly dropped her hand and stared down at the dead woman on his kitchen floor.

His stomach rolled and he could taste acidic fluids burning up his throat as he tried desperately not to vomit all over the crime scene. He wasn't some wide eye rookie but this was unlike anything he had ever seen. _ How can her flesh be rotting already?_ James wiped his hands on his pants. He knew now that the woman was dead and his panic was dancing wildly at the edge of his subconscious.

_Black tag... _James thought as he summoned a black tag around her wrist.

He quietly hoped that it would be the only identification tag he would have to summon for the healers that were hopefully on their way. As he began his search of the first floor of his home, he quickly discovered there was no signs of an attack. After he cleared the first floor he rushed up the stairs. He tried to make his mind go numb like he had during the Death Eater battles. You couldn't let emotions cloud your judgment. One bad call and you could end up hit. He willed his fear back into his mind but it was like wrestling a giant three headed beast. He felt his step quicken against his will. Fear finally consuming him as he raced up the last few steps and into the hallway_. I can't lose them too._ _Their all I have left..._

He turned towards Rose's room and tried to open the door but the door did not budge. _Why is it locked?_ Nervous concern pooling its way into his stomach. He quickly cast an unlocking charm and entered his daughter's room. Once he walked through the doorway an itch tickled against his the tip of his nose as he entered signaling the breaking of a silencing charm. He clenched his jaw shut at the sight of his daughter laying by the door deep asleep with tears still drying on her cheeks. Confusion clouded his thoughts, his lips setting into a grim line.

_She must have known Ms. Meredith was in trouble. That's why she was crying.__It has to be…_ It made no sense but in his panicked state he clumsily threw around the evidence drawing a conclusion he could accept and told his mind to shut up. He had to believe there had been another person and that his nanny had not locked her in the room.

_Why else would the door have been locked and silenced? _He continued.

James stared down at his small innocent daughter, fear and guilt straggling his mind. He knew he should have left her there on the floor. Picking her up could risk compromising his wand movements as he continued to check the rest of the house but he could not stop himself from pulling her into his protection embrace. He had failed his wife. He couldn't fail their children. He scanned Rose's small frame for injury.

_Nothing but tears stains... _James observed. Unwillingly Harry's voice filled his thoughts.

"_She makes Rose cry..." _His son's haunting green eyes glowing back at him with distrust.

James shook his head in denial. He thought surely he was still in shock and forcefully pushed those self-damning thoughts from his mind until he had more to go on. He quickly headed towards his son's bedroom. Rose began to wiggle against him and grabbed a handful of his robes as she fearfully stared out at him.

"Shhh... Sweetie. Daddy's here. You're going to be okay." James comforted his daughter as he rocked her back and forth.

James stood in front of his son's room and grabbed the doorknob. It was locked… James cast the unlocking charm once more. Rage down taking place over his fear. Rage filling his eyes as he wondered who the bloody hell had hurt his family again. He entered Harry's room and stared at the entrance way as the charmed rabbits hopped along the walls casting silver trails along the wallpaper. His son was not on the floor like his daughter had been. Harry laid under the covers in his bed fast asleep. His son's innocent child-like face pressed against the pillowcase, drool dribbling down his round cheeks.

James knew at that moment, that there was not any evidence supporting that someone had been in their home, except the dead woman still laying on the kitchen floor below. He silently watched his son continue to sleep with Rose still embraced tightly in his arms. His son's haunting green eyes flashing across his memory.

_"__She makes Rose cry..."_

* * *

Horace Slughorn stood over a corpse in the lowest level of St. Mungo's hospital twisting his silver moustache deep in thought. One of his more successful students, Rufus Scrimgeour had called him on his a consultant for the most recent and strange death. The woman had died two days prior of unknown causes and now laid on a surgical table in front of him surrounded in a bubble charm of suspended animation. Forty-eight hours of testing the crime scene and the body for dark magic had been for nothing, the Aurors had not found any evidence of foul play. That was why he had been called in, to see if she may have been drugged with an illegal potion.

Horace walked back over to his work table that sat on the other side of the room, proudly puffing out his massive belly outward while he moved. There was no doubt in his mind that the Auror Department needed him, they relied on him. After all he had taught nearly all of the Aurors. He merrily hummed a tune as he poured a vial of the woman's blood into his treasured solid gold cauldron and waited to see if his test would could back positive. If Horace was to be honest, which he rarely was, when he had first seen the body he had been baffled. He had never seen anything like it and there was something to be said about that statement, seeing as he had worked at Hogwarts as their prestige Potions master for over fifty years. It had taken a couple of hours of pondering and turning through books before he had thought of a plausible answer. Still the idea that someone had ingested this potions ingredient seemed so unlikely, but he could not think of another answer. So here he stood waiting and observing the swirls of colors from inside his cauldron.

The color finally began to settle and Horace narrowed his shiny pate, prominent, gooseberry colored eyes in on the cauldron as it turned a dark green hue and began to release swirls of smoke. His eyes widened with astonishment as the results became clear.

_The blood tested positive_, Horas thought as curiosity filled his mind with possibilities; each guess was more outlandish than the first. The last known case of Ergot Fungus had been in the early eighteen hundreds. Primarily from granaries accidentally grinding the fungus into the local supplies of flour, causing an outbreak of hysteria and death. He knew that when someone consumed it that it could develop two different sets of symptoms. Convulsive or the more uncommon gangrenous erogtism, and as he looked down at the corpse that was consumed in the preservative spell that prevented future decay he knew that this woman's symptoms were the latter.

The fungus had attacked her blood vessels causing them to constrict rapidly as gangrene began to develop on her extremities. Her fingertips, toes, earlobes, arms and legs had blackened as the blood hardened, already starting the mummification process. Her limbs would have begun to fall off as the infection set in, if not for the spell protecting her body.

Horace frowned deeply down at the woman. His chest aching from pity for the dead woman before him.

"No one deserves such a gruesome death." He muttered in the dimly lit medical room.

This woman had died from one of the most gruesome fungi on the planet. In the medieval times muggles had another name for Ergot Fungus, they called it "The Holy Fire" as it would spread across the circulation system causing the victim to feel as if they were burning alive, and because muggles had believed it was a display of rage from their Christian God. This fungus had been an issue for the magical community for centuries. It more commonly settled deep into the brain tissue causing hallucinations and strange peculiar behaviors making the medieval muggles to assume witchcraft. It had caused a lot of trouble and had started many of the famous witch hunts.

This still did not explain how this woman had consumed this fungi. Muggle and wizard granaries now were aware of the dangers of the Ergot fungus and treated their crops accordingly. Horace rubbed his sweating forehead and sighed. The only places that may have had this fungus still growing were a couple of private medical herbal gardens due to its beneficial properties for childbirth when mixed with other ingredients. He continued to ponder as he wrote out a report to send to the Auror's office.

_Certainly they would be able to figure out this mystery_. Horace thought.

* * *

Author's Note:

* * *

Yep, that awful fungus is 100% real but does not kill it's victims as quickly. For the sake of the story it's an magical strain! Do you like how I made Harry's final acceptance of his dark passenger on Tom Riddle's Birthday? I like writing subtle context like that in my stories. Another example in my writing, is how I made Neville yearn to hold his father's wand only moments before the Longbottom attack, leaving his father's wand free for him to receive seven years later. I also wanted to say that I do not write filler. If you're confused by many of my seemingly random POV's, believe it or not they do play a role in Harry's development. Directly or indirectly and you may not see the results until the next chapter or 20 chapters down the line. Yes, my story is going to be long. But hey, you can be relieved and happy that I have it all planned out, all the way down to his last year at Hogwarts. Now all I need is some motivation to finish it. ;)

If you liked/loved my story please let me know by leaving me a comment in the **review box. **Even a "please update" will make my day! **Constructive criticism is also welcomed!**

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